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Money Can't Buy

when both of us get married about 10 months ago, mommy was desperately want to get pregnant as soon as possible. what was in my mind that time was... a very typical mindset of a newly wed lady who stayed separately with the groom -"i want a baby so that i won't feel sad & lonely, as my hubby's baby resides in me".

unfortunately after several months we still didn't have any sign of having baby. i was very sad those days, everytime i missed my period, i would go for tests, and i tried 2 times but all resulted negatives. abi had to bear with me everymonth, i would cry to him, and i don't know why, after we get married my period pain became very severe. 2-3 days before hariraya, i even couldn't walk because of the pain.

it was late november when i got the offer letter to join abi in miri. i just recovered from conjunctivitis, and on my second day, my eyes turned red again. another days of MC. and the thing i won't forget is, once we had dinner, abi saw red spots on my arm. our first thought was mosquito bites, but it was so funny the mosquito bite my covered arm rather than my bare hands. the next day, the spots spread to my both arms and hands. but still i didn't feel anything so i went to work as usual.

i asked some friends about the rashes, which both of us assumed it was because of our tap water. some said it was allergy. but i dont have any allergy. finally i asked dr. agus about my case, and he insisted me to go to the clinic & get MC. abi brought me there and the answer was "RUBELLA"**.

oh God.. thanked you so much for not putting any baby in my womb!

that was the answer.

and i still had my period, and severe period pain. that sickness drove me to meet the doctor and asked her what was my problem. my irregular period, painful ones, and not pregnant. she did ultrasound on me saying that all my reproduction system was OK. the doctor suspect i was having problem with my hormone, as my period was irregular, however she suggested us to try to conceive naturally because our marriage was not even a year, and only after 2 years if i'm still not pregnant, then she would refer me to gynae.

that was a new phase in our life. rubella disease, and the probability of hormonal problem taught me to be thankful for what i'd been given rather than keep on asking and weeping if i can't have it.

rather than hoping to get pregnant instantly, i kept it for the next 2 years. then, i really enjoyed my marriage life, and when people asked me about baby i told them i can't because i have problem with my hormone. it was really an enjoyable time when you don't have anything to be hoped, something that you can't make it sure to be fulfilled.

a month later, i got an offer to involve in West Lutong and Bakau facility engineering safety inspection. i was a week late that time, but since my period was irregular so i didn't have any doubt to accept the offer. however, my inner feeling asked me to check. and i was thinking, if after i come back from offshore, i would check, only if my period still doesn't come. but abi asked me to check, just to make myself confident that i wasn't pregnant and i could go offshore with a happy heart.

i bought a set from guardian, and i took 2 days to think because i was confident i'm not pregnant. i still remember the sunday morning, 2 days before my departure to offshore, finally i did the test. this time i had no more excitement to know the result. in my mind was thinking about having fun at West Lutong and Bakau later. while waiting for the result, i took my bath & didn't ever has any feeling of 'i can't wait to know!'.

after i wiping myself, i peeped on the test apparatus, and guess what... 2lines! it was unbelievable! i woke abi up, excitedly informed him about the news. then i sent smses to reliable aunties and friends asking "is 2 line means i am pregnant?"

the next day i went to the clinic to get confirmation. alhamdulillah, i was 5 week that time. and because it was unexpected, i went to 2 clinics to convince myself that i was carrying a baby :) then i told my team leader that i couldn't join the offshore trip.

now i'm counting my blessings. it was a great blessing in disguise.. for not being pregnant during our early months of marriage. if i was, during the rubella period, i might had only 2 choice, abortion or continue, but if i continued, the risk of having a disable baby was high. and if i got pregnant when i was in KL, i don't know whether i can survive. with 2 modes of transportation; mbah samni's car & lrt, and my horrible morning sickness, oh it would make me sick. last time with my big tummy pun the lrtians never never never want to get up and offer me seat.

your arrival in my tummy teaches me to be thankful for what i already have. in fact, being depress everytime my period came just make my relationship with abi becomes a bit cold then. as what abi told me when we did our first confirmation with the doctor, "we make effort and we pray, at the end we'd ask for the best thing to happen to us, not the thing that we desperately wanted".

and you are the best thing happens to us. you comes after everything is settle. now i really appreciate what had been said by the sufi:
"Allah answers our prayers in 3 ways. 1. YES & gives us what we want. 2. NO & gives us something better. 3. WAIT & gives us the best."
it's worth waiting :)

**i would recommend that every lady should go for blood test to check Rubella immunization before getting pregnant even if she already had it during schooling. because i also had it when i was in Standard 6 but still kena juga.