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Cos We Speak in Different Language

dah dapat anak ni baru la rasa perasaan mak kita dulu...
dah ada anak ni baru dpt rasa cemana mak kita rasa...
dah jadi mak ni jadi makin appreciate mak sendiri...

when my close friend gave birth to her first daughter 3 years ago, she told me that she never felt such that 'love' towards her mom before she became a mummy herself. and it's really true when i experienced it myself.

then i started asking myself "do i have to wait for my first daughter has her first child to be appreciated as a mommy???"

i don't believe that it is a nature of life, cos there's many who know how to appreciate their mothers without have to give birth to anyone (oh not me...).

it's because... we speak the different language.

i remember when i was a teenager then, anything came from my mom's mouth was 'NONSENSE & always NAG NAG NAG'. even if she just asked me to study i said "i know la Mak, you don't have to nag like this". and i don't like to talk to my own mom especially about my problems because she was a typical mommy who 'likes to nag'.

yah it's just the language we use was different.

parents - giving advice
kids hear it as - nag

parents - care
kids hear it as - busybody

parents - marah sebab sayang
kids hear it as - marah sebab tak suka kat kita

parents - you have to follow the rules
kids hear it as - mengongkong

& etc.

now i am a parent and i believe that kids will be kids. they won't aware about the 'differences' and they won't pay any cent to understand their parents who to them are always 'nagging, not up-to-date, tak sporting, tak faham jiwa remaja, etc.'. and it's my role to play my part, and practice Covey's 5th habit: seek first to understand then to be understood.

and it's really is. even now, when i come back home after work, my baby couldn't help calling me to hold him, even if i'm still in the car. should i tell him "baby, Mommy baru balik ni penat la. baby duk la ngan bibik tu jap...". what do you think my baby will feel? does he know about my work? does he know about my tiredness? does he know that i need a little rest? he won't know, cos what he knows is only 'I need my Mommy!'. any rejection will make him upset and disappointed.

so i tune in his request, try to understand him and speak in his language (not baby talk OK!). i don't need any silent moment to rest. resting with my baby is the most beautiful thing, and listening to his voice (melalak ke membebel ke) is the greatest music.

i'm not just doing the 'sacrifice' because i am a parent, but hopefully this is a baby step for future mutual understanding between us, and later my kids will understand my language and use the same principle to make our communication effective. i wanna understand them and they will understand me. so we have to speak in the same language.

i wanna be appreciated as a Mommy before my teenage kids have kids of their own.