A week

it has been a week, i didn't go to SCN to see Fahry. and for a week, Abiy went there every morning and night, other than bringing Fahry his food, was to check on him and perform gentle massage. he is a great father, juggling with his office work, family at home & at the hospital. we knew that Abiy is exhausted cos most of the time, people in the office will go for him and need him to be in some important meetings, including inter-boundary meeting with Brunei. and he has to take care for his own family, beside his mom's family in KL. Abiy is a big hearted guy, isn't he?

Abiy told that Fahry was moved from in front of nurse's counter into a room next to it, and now wearing cloth diaper :D

Fahry is now taking 25ml per feeding and is constantly in sleeping mode everytime Abiy goes there. his current weight is unknown. i hope he's gaining weight lah.

Abiy said the wound at his right foot is 'dry'. and his skin also dry so i bought Buds Baby Lotion, because it is organic and i was too afraid to put paraben things on his thin skin :D Abiy uses that cream to massage his body.

this evening Abiy told me "i think you should be there. poor lil boy, nobody is there to comfort him". i said even if my eyes now is OK but i rather wait for 2-3 days to make myself confidence that i am really OK. yeah i as much as possible try to bring away any harm from my babies.

nothing much on Fahry that i knew. i hope he's getting bigger by the time i'm there to treat him. i always remember Fahry's smell, and can't wait to be there again.

today i got some calls and texts from some close friends who just knew about Fahry, and they felt bad about that. i must say that, don't be, cos i really didn't tell anyone about Fahry, except my ex-roomate cos i don't know how to. oh tidak kelakar. for others who really want to know more about Fahry, i just say "u can check it in my blog".

and you know, when somebody in a happy mood congratulate you for your new baby, would you rather ruin it by telling about your child that might be heart-melting. others maybe are, but i'm not. & i dont want anybody to assume that we're in misery for having Fahry, no. he's my son & we are so happy. & would you still be happy if someone tell you "my baby cacat"? would you still eager to congratulate? furthermore, most of the time they'll ask "baby sihat?", so i answer "sihat alhamdulillah". :)

so, to make everything easy to everyone, i rather put it in this blog rather than telling everybody personally.

(Hafiy sometimes gives me headache for he likes to stay up at night and disallow me to pump for Fahry's milk)

we would like to thanks to everybody, for your supports and helps.. and definitely for the friendships you launched for our family.

buat yang menulis tentang Fahry di blog masing-masing, we really appreciate it! thank you so much for your concerned.

may ALLAH blesses everyone and give you all the best things in your life..

TERIMA KASIH BANYAK-BANYAK, THANK YOU SO MUCH,
ありがとう, HAVALA, MERCI,
GRACIAS, 감사합니다, شكرا, спасибо, 谢谢...

~ hugs from Hafiy, Fahry & family...

**i am very sorry for not able to reply all the messages, SMSes, or even return your calls & pay the visit to your blogs. i will definitely DO IT some fine day :) ~~ - Mami Hafiy

Amniotic Band Syndrome

OK now i have time to find it out...

this is what happened to Fahry

Amniotic band syndrome is a rare condition caused by strands of the amniotic sac that separate and entangle digits, limbs, or other parts of the fetus. This constriction can cause a variety of problems depending on where strands are located and how tightly they are wrapped.

It is believed that amniotic band syndrome occurs when the inner membrane (amnion) ruptures, or tears, without injury to the outer membrane (chorion). The developing fetus is still floating in fluid but is then exposed to the floating tissue (bands) from the ruptured amnion. This floating tissue can become entangled around the fetus.

The cause of amnion tearing is uncertain and is consider a chance event. It does not appear to be genetic or hereditary, so the likelihood of it occurring in another pregnancy is remote.
[SOURCE:UCFS FTC]

what shown in the picture above is exactly what happened to Fahry. but with the other hand and foot also affected.

It is itself part of the pregnancy, formed early on from cells descended from the original fertilized egg.
[SOURCE: CMH]

kesiannya Fahry.. dalam perut Mami lagi dah rasa sakit. takpe..takpe... so skarang Fahry mesti dah imune dengan rasa sakit-sakit kan :) kuatnya Fahry ni! nanti bole la Mami buli kasi dera-dera sikit :D (adakah ini satu 'penghibur hati'?).

tapi rasa macam best pulak kan. RARE CONDITION --> bukan senang nak dapat ni. 1 in 10,000 live birth. kira kita dah masuk dalam statistik tu lah. huhuhu.

agaknya sebab tu Fahry nak kuar cepat-cepat, tak tahan dah kene jerut kat dalam tu kan. tapi Mami tengok memang kat jari-jari Fahry macam ada 'benang'. doktor try nak cabut but ia macam melekat je kat situ. could be itula dia band-nya kan?

syukur alhamdulillah ia cuma menjerut kaki-kaki & tangan-tangan Fahry je... kalau kena muka kan dah tak hensem... kalau kena cord ke leher ke...., oh tak sanggup Mami think about it.

more on amniotic band syndrome : with pictures.

so it's not because of:

- lack of nutrition.
- breastfeeding.
- prematurity makes the limbs couldn't develop (in fact IT IS THERE (the limbs) since 3-4 month of pregnancy).
- genetic (nobody in our family has it).
- kenan
- etc.

New Experience

having Hafiy and Fahry, gives me a totally different experience. it's like 180degree punya difference.

-the pregnancy-
HAFIY : morning sickness yg teruk. 4 months without nasik.
FAHRY : almost no morning sickness. except tak bole minum air masak banyak2 or muntah habis.

-the hospital-
HAFIY : private.
FAHRY : gomen.

-the labor-
HAFIY : dunno when it was started. but the show was out at 1630hrs & Hafiy came 7 and half hour later. i was given pethadine to make me fall asleep tapi tak sempat tido pun...
FAHRY : the contraction started 2 weeks before, the show came out a week before, the cervic opened 4 hours before the birth. i was given NOTHING (drug) for his prematurity.

-the birth-
HAFIY : 9.30pm reached the labor room, 12.01am Hafiy was born. i didn't feel anything during the birth process because of drug given by Dr Awang (not epidural). Dr Awang gave me petadine to make me sleep because "esok pagi baru awak bersalin".
FAHRY : 5.30pm reached the labor room, 6.45pm (but official is 6.55pm) Fahry was born. he came out just after the amniotic fluid came & i still can feel him, getting out from my body. i was left alone in the room until i have to scream to call the nurse because "lama ni awak sakit sebab saya tak bagi drug, baby awak premature & lambat sikitlah.. tengah malam nanti baru bersalin".

-the afterbirth-
HAFIY : tak rasa ape2 cos dah pengsan.
FAHRY : rasa SEMUA. Fahry came out, the placenta came out, how the nurse korek2 darah beku, nurse jahit hidup2, etc.

-the post-natal-
HAFIY : i didn't feel the contraction pengecutan rahim even if during breastfeeding because of the painkiller. (TQ so much!). but i had a very severe sembelit.
FAHRY : sakitnyaa!!! kadang2 tak bole pam susu sebab sakit~~~ but no sembelit. best!

Why

"kenapa jadi macam tu?"
"gynae tak detect ke?"
"tak cukup zat ke?"
"maybe banyak sangat travel?"
etc. etc. etc.

the answer is, we don't know. even the gynaes, the paeds pun couldn't give the exact answer. but they wrote in the report as 'IN UTERO INFECTION'. what cause it? we don't know. from the lab test, it shown -ve for womb infection. the paed said it was because of 'amniotic band'. apa tu? i'll find it out later.

yes, the gynae didn't do detail scan. but i feel OK even if my gynae didn't do it to check the fingers, toes, and whatnot... it won't change anything if we knew it before the birth pun.

we are truly happy to celebrate Fahry's arrival. takde rasa dan takde masa pun nak investigate kenapa & mengapa. this is our absolute happiness. for us, the biggest gift ever. Mami cuma ada terfikir kenapa Fahry jadi macam ni & cuba elakkan perkara sama berulang untuk adik-adik Fahry. tapi in the end Mami sedar ini semua anugerah dari Allah SWT. & ini sekali-kali BUKAN kifarah dosa2 kami atau sebab musabab dari perbuatan2 kami. Fahry tak carry dosa sape-sape pun & tak carry perbuatan sape2. semuanya sebab Allah kasih akan Fahry & Dia beri kelebihan pada Fahry yang tak ada pada orang lain.

Mami tak suka bila orang kaitkan ape yang berlaku pada anak dengan perbuatan2 parent-nya! dosa seseorang ditanggung oleh empunya diri, tak ada kaitan dengan sesiapa pon!
"dan sesiapa yang mengerjakan sesuatu dosa maka sesungguhnya ia hanya mengerjakannya untuk (menjadi bala bencana yang) menimpa dirinya sendiri. dan (ingatlah) Allah Maha Mengetahui, lagi Maha Bijaksana." [Toha:124].

and Mami tak pernah terfikir untuk takut beranak lagi sebab takut sejarah berulang, tidak sekali-kali. biasalah kita manusia cuma nampak kesempurnaan zahir kan. bagi kami, Fahry sangat sempurna. dan yang paling penting, Fahry menyempurnakan keluarga kita. Mommy & Abiy now are parents of two & Hafiy dah jadi abang.

for us, this is an experience, anugerah Allah yang tak terhingga. tak ramai yang ada pengalaman sebegini kan. everyday i pray semoga Allah panjangkan umur kami & umur anak2 kami supaya kami boleh mengasuh mereka semua sampai dewasa & mereka pun boleh menjaga kami bila kami dah tua2 kelak.

dan semuanya bukan untuk kami, tapi untuk Fahry. Mami cuma mengasuh Fahry sekarang dan dalam tempoh membesar. bila Fahry dewasa, semuanya dalam tangan Fahry sendiri. namun, semuanya adalah kesinambungan asuhan Mami & Abiy. oleh kerana itu kami tidak sekali-kali mahu Fahry merasa sebarang kekurangan dan tidak mahu sesiapa memandang Fahry sebagai 'kurang'. tidak, dan Mami minta, janganlah. Fahry tidak ada kurangnya. Fahry cukup serba serbi.

doa Mami semoga Fahry tidak terdedah pada sebarang complication. cukuplah apa yang Fahry alami sekarang.

hati ibu mana yang tidak meruntun... tapi sebelum Fahry pandai bertanya kenapa dan kenapa, Mami dan Abiy mahu Fahry sendiri tahu jawapannya... kerana kasih Allah pada Fahry, Dia mengambil sebahagian dari diri Fahry terlebih dahulu.. Ya Allah Engkau peliharalah Fahry kami, agar sihat2 selalu dan menjadi insan yang berbakti.

dan buat Hafiy, bukanlah Mami melebihkan Fahry (asik tulis pasal Fahry je..)tapi since dia memerlukan extra care, as Abang, Hafiy pun kena accountable ke atas diri Fahry. Fahry pun dah jadi tanggungjawab Hafiy so bukan gayanya kalau nak jeles2.

Allah panjangkan umur kami & melindungi anak-anak Mami... ameen.

*anak-anak OK. macam tak percaya pulak at 26 i'm a mother of 2. dulu2 igt 27 baru nak kawen :D

Day 6 & Sakit Mata

yesterday, Mommy felt uncomfortable with my eyes. macam ada something like lendir and it made my vision became blur. back home, it became worsen. i suspected kene conjunctivitis.

at hospital, i told the nurses about my eyes. they asked me to go to E&N dept. the next morning, and i have to go home. risau derang takut berjangkit. so that very night, i couldn't ever look at Fahry, even go into the ward cos takut diorang plak terkena. kesian nanti kan...

i just expressed my milk and let the nurses fed Fahry. sedihnya... tak dapat Mami pegang Fahry. hopefully it won't be long lah.

walau cemanapun, i just take it as a blessing in disguise. kebetulan Tok Ma just arrived, so bole la dia masakkan apa2 untuk Mami... yang panas2 kan. food hospital mana ada panas... tapi Mami had no choice la... itu aje yang ada. bukan ada orang nak masak kat rumah. and even if ada pun, bukan Abiy bole selalu datang hantar. kesian Abiy, busy sungguh dia di ofis.

so Mami tak tau what happens to Fahry today... but definitely Fahry is OK la. kalau tak mesti nurse2 dah report kat Mami kan. but then kesian Fahry, tak ada orang belai2 & urut2 Fahry today. Abiy pun datang kejap je jemput Mami, tak sempat pegang Fahry. takpe.. Fahry kan anak Mami yang independent, kan?

Mami balik, then pergi berurut. Nek Maznah cakap Mami sakit mata cos panas2 badan keluar. Aunty N call cakap dia refer pada kawannya pakar mata, Mami kena ni sebab gusi bengkak, which is really true la. ape-apepun Mami kena increase my vitamin E intake lah.

Abang Hafiy pun makin bijak dari sehari ke sehari. kesian dia... & Mami akan guna masa ni untuk layan Abang Hafiy la ye Fahry.

Mami harap Fahry akan terus sihat kat dalam tabung tu. yesterday doktor dah buang drip & fototerapi. so kuranglah wayar2 yang melekat kat badan Fahry. harap2 tak lama lagi Fahry dah bole bernafas without oksigen kat idung tu dah. Fahry pun tak suka dengan tiub tu kan.. asik kena tarik aje. Abiy kata tadi penuh plaster kat muka, agaknya nurse tampal lagi sebab Fahry asik tarik je tiub tu.

syukur alhamdulillah, meskipun susu Mami cukup2 makan tapi so far cukuplah untuk Fahry. ni Mami kat rumah, Abiy la kene selalu pegi hospital hantar EBM sebab Mami dah kene kuarantin. takpela.. demi keselamatan anak Mami juga.

hari ni Fahry maintain minum 24ml per feeding. so Mami akan cube pam sebanyak amaun tu. disebabkan Mami banyak stimulation dengan pam je, so Mami kene pam lama2. paling kejap pun 10minit. biasanya dekat setengah jam lah sampai trigger-kan si hormon prolaktin tu.

so mula hari ni, Mami handover tugas2 mengurut Fahry kepada Abiy :)

merasa la Fahry kehangatan tangan Abiy pulak.

**UPDATE!**

Abiy went to send the EBM & called telling that Fahry dah tak pakai oksigen! alhamdulillah... anak Mami dah tolerate dengan oksigen di udara...

Day 5 & Life in SCN

dah 5 hari kita kat sini...

alhamdulillah, Mami sangat happy dengan progress Fahry. hari ni Fahry dah add minum 24ml. aduh.. susu Mami still tak banyak, struggle nak dapat 24ml tu. pam pakai FS, pastu pakai tangan lagi.. cukup2 makan je. ya Allah murahkan lah rezeki Fahry menyusu Mami...

bangga bila nurse tanya, susu apa? Mami jawab, EBM :) ada babies kat situ minum FM sebab maknye tak banyak susu. ye lah.. struggle dengan pam je kan.

mula2 Mami down jugakla tercampak kat sini... maklumlah daripada pvt hosp kene transfer govt hosp. bukanlah tak bagus, tapi dah ramai sangat orang, bukannya nurse2/doktor2 tu ada masa nak entertain kita macam kat pvt. masa lepas bersalinkan Fahry, diorang campak ke Mami kat maternity ward, takde bagitau apa2 pun. minta air pun tak dapat sebab takde flask.. huhuhu. kekeringan Mami hari tu.

kat SCN ada bilik2 untuk rooming-in mothers. alhamdulillah, mudahlah untuk Mami jaga Fahry. sebenarnya banyak hikmah bila CAMC takde facilities untuk premie... kalau kat CAMC, bilik sorang2, konfem down sorang2. kat sini kami share bilik, share pantry etc. & share cerita anak masing2. rasa macam duk asrama pulak. kat sinilah Mami dapat tengok betapa sihatnya Fahry compared to babies lain. di mata Mami, Fahry sebijik macam Abang Hafiy masa mula2 lahir dulu, cuma zoom out-kan je hehe.

ibu2 kat wad ni datang dari serata utara Sarawak. ada yang dari Limbang, Mulu.. sebab hospital yang ada specialist cuma di MYY, SBU & KUCH je. alhamdulillah, syukurlah kita dah di MiYY kalau tak, mana nak cekau hospital lain pula. ada ibu2 kat sini rumahnya dekat, hari2 bapak baby hantar makanan, sup, etc. ada yang jauh, dah sebulan tak jumpa bapak baby. ada yang datang dari rumah panjang pedalaman, etc. 'rasa' lah hidup di Sarawak hehe. Mami pun cakap bahasa Sarawak sikit2, dah semua orang pun cakap Sarawak. huhu.

tapi expected lah... bila masuk toilet, tak flush, bilik air kotor... takpela. namanya warna warni kehidupan. Mami ok, bole tolerate kalo tak flush, janji poo-poo masuk lubang :D

sekarang Abiy jarang datang, sibuk sangat dengan kerja ofis, tak ada orang back-up. mula2 Mami rasa takut juga bila Abiy tak dapat datang selalu. Mami takut Mami tak kuat... tapi Mami have to kumpul kekuatan... tak boleh bergantung pada Abiy. Mami yang patut kuatkan Abiy. alhamdulillah sekarang Mami bole harunginya. sekali sehari bertemu Abiy & Abang Hafiy dah cukuplah. kadang2 Mami nangis jugak rindukan Abang Hafiy. tapi kena berkorbanlah... balik rumah terkenangkan Fahry, kat SCN terkenangkan Abang Hafiy...

Mami dah taknak nangis2 dah. keadaan dalam pantang & post-natal depression tu kita tolak tepi. Mami takde masa nak layan benda2 macam tu. Mami cuba sedaya upaya menjaga kesihatan supaya tak jatuh sakit, nanti siapa nak jaga Fahry kan.

hari ni Fahry berak banyak, dan banyak kali. alhamdulillah... Fahry dah tak kene duk bawah lampu. dapatlah Mami tengok mata Fahry yang bulat bersinar2 tu. cuma masa first time feeding 24ml Fahry macam spit sikit. tapi takde apa, bukan muntah. Fahry bagus! seronok Mami tengok Fahry kelip2 mata. masya-Allah comelnya anak Mami!

hari ni first time Mami salinkan alas tidur Fahry. wah... sangat berani kan! terkial2 jugak Mami, yela dengan wayar2, tiub2 tu. tapi Fahry pun OK je.. takde rengek2. maknanya Mami terer la kan :)

tangan Mami dah kering2 & menggelupas sebab sabun kat wad tu. everytime nak pegang Fahry, kene sabun tangan dulu. 'kuat' sungguh sabun tu. tangan Mami rasa berduri je.

malam ni Tok Ma sampai dari KL. tapi sian Tok Ma tak dapat tengok Fahry. actually semua orang pun tak dapat tengok Fahry except Mami & Abiy. dan Abang Hafiy dapat tengok masa Fahry mula2 masuk SCN sebab 'tereksiden' :P.

harap2 susu Mami bertambah lah untuk Fahry. Mami kene tinggalkan susu sebab petang Mami keluar pegi berurut, malam baru balik wad. struggle sungguh nak cukupkan untuk 3-4 feeding. makcik urut kata 'urat susu' Mami dah pecah, sebab tu tak bengkak. Mami pun tatau lah. cuma harapan Mami, cepatla susu Mami penuh. bole Mami simpan stok sikit lagi. Fahry pun hari ke hari bertambah 3ml susunya.

terima kasih Mami ucapkan pada semua orang atas doa yg dipanjatkan buat Fahry. ramai jugak aunties Fahry yang 'nak je terbang ke Miri visit korang' tapi apekan daya.... Tok Ayah & Mak Tok pun tak sampai2 lagi. namun walau cemanapon, alhamdulillah, Fahry sihat :) terima kasih atas doa semua!

Kaki Fahry

ini lah kaki kanan Fahry yang detached tu. kat tempat penyambung tu la tulang kering Fahry terdedah. Abiy kata daging pun exposed. itula yang membuatkan kami takut Fahry terkena infection, sebab Fahry ada wound yang besar dan terus ke tulang. sel kaki tu dah mati dan tak boleh sambung balik dah. rupa macam hati ayam je.

Abiy dah semadikannya dengan selamat.

sebab tu Mami kata Fahry bukan baby yang biasa. Fahry bukan aje premature tapi specially designed. kaki dan tangan Fahry tak macam baby biasa. sebab tu Fahry perlukan extra care. Fahry extraordinary! sebab tu masa mula2 tengok Fahry, menitis air mata Mami. bukan sebab Mami terkejut atau tak boleh terima kenyataan, alhamdulillah Mami terima dengan rasa amat bersyukur. Mami cuma rasa 'kasihan anak Mami...'.

tapi Mami percaya setiap yang Allah berikan tu, ada sebab dan hikmah dia.

biarlah orang kata macam2,... memang ramai orang tanya, Mami ada penyakit ke? Mami ada makan ubat ke? Mami ada pegang parang ke? Mami ada potong binatang ke? Abiy ada buat itu ini ke? family ada history ke?... bagi kami ini anugerah dari Allah. bukan sebab apa2. dan juga sesungguhnya bukan sebab breastfeed Abang Hafiy masa pregnantkan Fahry. bukan juga sebab kejadian yang menimpa Arwah Tok Pa. tak.. bukan sebab2 semua tu.

sebabnya.. Allah sayangkan kita. Allah nak beri extra attention pada famili kita. kehadiran Fahry menguatkan lagi bonding family kita. dan juga mengeratkan ukhwah di kalangan kawan2 kami. ramai yang sayangkan kita rupanya... setiap hari Mami terima bertalu2 sms bertanyakan khabar Fahry & Mami dan ruangan comment kat blog ni pun tak sunyi dari pesanan2 yang sungguh memotivasikan, walaupun kami tak mengenali antara satu masa lain. alhamdulillah... terima kasih semua!

Mami juga rasa sangat bahagia kerana Allah pilih Mami untuk jadi ibu Fahry. bertuah sangat. pengalaman yang tak pernah dirasai oleh ibu Mami, ibu mentua Mami, nenek2 dan makcik2 Mami.

semoga Fahry terus kuat semangat sayang... Mami, Abiy, Abang Hafiy & semua sentiasa ada di samping Fahry...

Day 4 & Pengorbanan Hafiy

Mami dah start rawatan post-natal dengan Bidan Nek Maznah selama 7 hari. alhamdulillah.. thanks to Ibu Addin & Nasa yang rekemenkan Nek Maznah. hari2 Mami kena pergi rumah dia mandi limau, berurut, berbengkung, berpilis. overall Mami OK cuma susu je belum lagi bengkak2. mak yang bersalin 2 hari selepas Mami dah bocor2 susu dia. so far (hingga tengahari ni), susu Mami cukup2 je untuk sekali feeding Fahry. semoga Allah murahkan rezeki susu Mami untuk Fahry.. sebab Fahry akan tambah lagi 3ml setiap hari.

petang ni Fahry dah tambah volume menyusu dari 18ml ke 21ml. setiap hari kita akan monitor berapa ml jus perut Fahry yang disedut keluar, dan tengok Fahry ada muntah tak. so far tak banyak jus perut Fahry, kadang2 tak keluar ape pun. Fahry pun takde muntah. a good sign! maknanya Fahry ready untuk tambah lagi volume susu. dan alhamdulillah, so far Fahry minum susu Mami je dan Mami mampu simpan stok bila Mami keluar berurut untuk difeedkan oleh nurse.

Fahry masih jaundice lagi, tapi hari ni Fahry berak banyak dan kencing dah tak kuning. hopefully esok dah boleh la bukak penutup mata dan tak pakai fototerapi lagi dah :)

penatkah Mami? memang penat juga, ye la 3 jam sekali kene susukan Fahry, tengah2 malam kena bangun tapi Mami happy sebab dapat jaga anak Mami sendiri. ramai babies kat SCN tu yang maknya tak ada sama... ada yang asyik nangis je. Fahry pula bila nangis, Mami letak tangan di dahi dan dada... terus senyap. Fahry suka Mami buat camtu... khayal je. kalau Mami lepaskan tangam Fahry terus gelisah :)

sekarang Mami konfiden sikitla nak mandikan, cebokkan, etc. Fahry. Fahry bila berak banyak betul sampai habis kaki kene berak & segala wayar berdekatan pun kena. so far masih hitam lagi berak Fahry. nurse kata biasanya selepas seminggu baru jadi kuning.

Mami curi dengar doktor2 tu cakap pagi tadi, derang kata Fahry ready anytime untuk masuk OT tapi pakar bius tak cakap ape2 lagi. hehe. maknanya Fahry fit, mungkin tunggu berat ideal la, macam kata Aunty Suealeen, tunggu 2.5kg (lamanya!).

tadi nurse timbang, berat Fahry naik 40gram jadi 1.23kg.

Abang Hafiy pula jumpa Mami sekali sehari, lepas Mami habis berurut. masa tu la dia emem habis-habisan. malam2 Abang Hafiy dah tak dapat emem Mami. dia terpaksa korbankan hobinya tu untuk Adik Fahry :) sayang kan Abang Hafiy kat Fahry...

bila Mami balik rumah, mengada sungguh Abang Hafiy. maklumlah berapa jam je dia bole jumpa Mami before Mami balik ke SCN.

tak ape, kita hadapi semua ni sama2 ya sayang. insya-Allah kita akan lebih happy lagi lepas ni, bila Fahry dah sembuh, dah keluar hospital, dah balik rumah, dah sihat, boleh teman Abang Hafiy :)

Day 3

before feeding jam 3 pagi, Mami pam susu untuk Fahry, tiba-tiba Mami rasa sakit pinggang sangat. biasanya kalau rahim mengecut, rasanya sekejap aje, tapi kali ni lain, sakitnya berpanjangan sampai Mami tak boleh duduk. Mami terus stop pam & baring. Mami rasa perut Mami keras. alamak.. dah masuk anginlah ni. mujurlah Mami dah kontek Makcik Maznah, mak bidan untuk tempahan mengurut.

sangat penat sebenarnya Mami hari ni... Mami selalu terlepas timing. kalau feeding jam 3, dekat jam 4 baru Fahry boleh menyusu sebab Mami terbangun lambat. sian anak Mami... harap janganlah kembung pulak.

tapi kali ni senang sikit keja Mami sebab nurse awal2 dah sedut, so Mami cuma bagi susu aje. hari ni Fahry start tambah susu dari 9ml ke 12ml.

lepas feeding jam 6 pagi, Mami mandikan Fahry. actually ia cuma tapping & tailing je. sejuk betul air tu, Mami letak sikit2 je sebab takut Fahry sejuk.. kalau nurse buat, dia buat sampai basah :D mandi kerbau la anak Mami ari ni.

masa nak feeding jam 9 Mami tengok Fahry kene fototerapi lagi. Dr Teh cakap Fahry ada kuning lagi. hari ni Fahry macam asik tido.. je. tapi tido2 pun berapa kali Fahry 'terjun' dari alas tidur. kencing pun banyak. kencing banyak2 ya biar cepat ilang kuning tu. dalam masa 20minit, 3 kali Mami salin kain lampin. Fahry pun berak hari ni.

actually Fahry tak pakai diapers, bolen je. lampin tu lapik bawah badan Fahry je. tapi kalau basah Fahry terus tak selesa. rengek2 mintak tukarkan.

resah jugak sebenarnya Mami sebab Fahry macam penat je hari ni. tangan pun takde gerak2 sangat. nurse pun berapa kali amik suhu badan Fahry sebab diorang takut Fahry demam. tapi alhamdulillah, takde pape. Fahry penat kot.. macam Mami jugak kan, sampai tak terbangun nak susukan Fahry on time.

hari ni Abiy kerja, tapi dia datang jugak masa lunch hour. massage2 badan Fahry.

ada sekali dressing kat kaki Fahry terbuka. nurse kata, dia takmau lekatkan plaster di kaki Fahry sebab kulit Fahry dah merah2. tapi kalau tak lekat plaster, dressing asik tercabut je. risau Mami tengok tulang kering Fahry yang expose tu... takut kene infection. ye lah.. baby premie yang normal pun prone to infection, ini pulak Fahry dalam keadaan yang macam tu. Ya Allah, lindungilah Fahry dari sebarang risiko...

ramai yang tak tau keadaan Fahry.. termasuklah ibu2 kat SCN tu. bila Mami tengah layan Fahry, mereka datang tanya, "kenapa kaki baby berbalut?". Mami jawablah keadaan Fahry yang sebenar. Fahry tak macam baby lain kat situ.. Fahry special. Fahry ada something yang orang lain tak ada. awal2 Allah dah ambil kaki Fahry & sebahagian jari2 Fahry, sebab Dia sayang pada Fahry. Dia mau nanti beri balik bila Fahry masuk syurga. so, Fahry kena la jadi anak & hamba yang soleh tau supaya bole masuk syurga kelak.

Paed & Pakar Tulang sangat positif untuk operate kaki Fahry tapi kene tunggu greenlight dari pakar bius dulu. Dr Teh kata biasanya pakar bius taknak buat kat baby premie, kene tunggu besar sikit dulu. Fahry cepatlah besar... nanti kita boleh operate kaki Fahry tu.. cepat besar ya sayang...

Mami telan segala benda untuk 'besarkan' dan boostkan imuniti Fahry. semoga Allah melindungimu nak... kami semua tunggu Fahry balik rumah. Abang Hafiy pun tak sabar nak main dengan Fahry.

sekarang Mami & Abiy jadi single parents untuk each of our son. Mami di SCN dengan Fahry, Abiy di rumah dengan Abang Hafiy. cepat-cepat besar dengan sihat ya Fahry... nanti kita boleh duduk rumah ramai2 :)

bila duduk dengan Fahry, Mami kadang nyanyikan lagu feveret Abang Hafiy (oh, juga feveret Abang Danish Aunty Min)... A ur adorable, B ur so beautiful, C you're cutie full of charm, D ur a darling, E ur exciting, F u r feather in my arms, G u look good to me, H u r so heavenly, I ur the one i idolize, J we're like Jack&Jill, K u r kissable, L is the lovelite in ur eyes, M,N,O,P, i could go on all day, Q, R, S, T, alphabetically speaking, u r OK, U make my life complete, V means u r very sweet, W, X, Y, Z.. it's fun to wander thru the alphabet with u, to tell u what u mean to me.. I L O V E Y O U im so in love with you!

Mommy's Diary : Caring A Premature Baby - Day 2

Fahry during feeding time. he suppose to use oxygen tube tapi dia cabut.

Mami tak pasti hari kita patut start jam 12 tengah malam atau selepas Subuh. setiap 3 jam di hospital ni Mami bangun, pam, dan susukan Fahry. biasanya 30mi/nit atau 40minit sebelum jam2 menyusu Mami bangun untuk pam.

alhamdulillah, motivasi dari Abiy, famili & kawan2 especially Aunty N, Aunty Mun & Aunt Mirah (all of them have premie babies), memberi Mami kekuatan untuk menghadapi semua ni sorang diri (cos Abiy tak bole stay). Fahry memang budak yang baik dan manja, selalu mau dibelai Mami... :)

pagi2 selepas feeding jam 6, dalam jam 7, nurse datang bilik kejutkan Mami. sebenarnya, setiap kali nama Mami dipanggil, dada Mami berdebar2. Mami takut ada perkhabaran tentang Fahry.. rupanya dia suruh Mami 'mandikan' dan tukar alas tidur Fahry...

nurse tu tunjuk saja caranya. esok dia suruh Mami buat sendiri. aduh.. sungguh Mami tak konfiden sangat. Fahry sangat kecik... Mami pegang tangan, kepala dan badan Fahry pun Mami rasa cuak, takut menyakitkan kulit Fahry yang halus tu.. tapi sebenarnya Fahry suka kalau Mami yang tukarkan lampin, basuhkan berak kencing, alihkan badan Fahry...

hari ni jaundis Fahry dah kurang & nurse alihkan fototerapi tu dari inkubator. so mata Fahry dah boleh bukak. comel sangat! sebijik muka Abang Hafiy.

tapi tangan Fahry tak boleh diam... mula2 Mami tengok plaster yang lekatkan tiub oksigen ke hidung Fahry ada di tilam dan tangan. Mami ingatkan nurse yang balut tangan Fahry. lepas Mami check, rupanya itu plaster yang patut lekatkan tiub tu. Mami pasangkan semula, lepas tu Mami balik ke bilik pam susu.

bila Abiy datang, Mami suruh Abiy tengok apa Fahry buat dengan tiub tu. Abiy kata, tak ada pun tiub tu. Mami ingat nurse dah buangkan. so OK la. rupa-rupanya bila Mami datang nak beri susu, tiub tu ada di bawah kepala... plaster semuanya dah ke mana-mana, ada yang kat tangan Fahry, Fahry buang rupanya!

Mami bagitau nurse, nurse kata tak apa nanti dia pasangkan semula. tiba2 mesin yang detect oksigen Fahry berbunyi, kurang oksigen! 74% saja! kalut2 2-3 orang nurse datang. Mami bagitau derang, Fahry yang buka tiub tu. nurse2 tu pasangkan balik sambil gelak2 & cakap "dia dah tak mau pakai oksigen la ni, dah rasa kuat la ni..". Fahry... Fahry...

pagi-pagi buta tadi pun, masa Mami nak sedut jus gastrik Fahry, tiba2 Mami rasa tak ada apa2 keluar. pelik pulak.. rupa2nya feeding tube dah tercabut Fahry tarik. nanti Mami nak suruh nurse ikatlah tangan Fahry. tu nasib baik drip diberi ikut pusat, jauh sikit nak ditarik. kalau di tangan Mami rasa dah lama tercabut...

alhamdulillah, semua ibu di wad pun kagum dengan Fahry yang aktif. Mami sangat bangga dengan anak2 Mami. Abang Hafiy pun sangat behave. kat rumah, tak ada menangis2 macam selalu. dan masa lapang dia selalu ambil buku mintak Abiy bacakan. Mami dah pesan kat Bibik supaya layan Hafiy baca buku, jangan asyik tengok TV saja.

Mami balik rumah sekejap lepas feeding yang pukul 12. sebenarnya Mami nak bf Abang Hafiy sambil stimulatekan lagi susu untuk Fahry. alhamdulillah, sampai tertidur Hafiy emem... Mami tinggalkan 4 botol susu untuk Fahry, in case Mami lambat sampai. tak banyak pun sebab hari ni Fahry start minum 6ml per hour. sekali pam, Mami tak dapat lagi 1oz tapi cukupla untuk sekali feeding. alhamdulillah.

esok Mami cuba mandikan Fahry pula ya....

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha sayang!

Mommy's Diary : Caring A Premature Baby - Day 1

Mommy reached NICU MYY GH at 9++ am. Macam biasa, the Paed gave us briefing about Fahry's condition. Mulanya memang Mommy down sebab dia kata Fahry ada high risk utk dpt jangkita thru tulang kaki yang terdedah tu. Diorang cuma buat dressing saja sementara tunggu Fahry cukup besar untuk di-operate. Doa kami semoga Fahry terlepas dari risiko yang boleh menggugatnya, ameen.

Mami diberi bilik share dengan sorang ibu dari Limbang. Rupanya anak dia juga ada masalah, jantung berlubang. Dan sebulan lebih berat badan tak naik2.

Lepas salin baju, Mami terus pam susu untuk Fahry. Fahry duk dalam inkubator, tak dapat direct feeding, kene pakai tiub terus ke dalam perut. Hari mula2 ni Fahry cuma minum 3ml susu.

Mula2 Mami akan sedut keluar lebihan susu & jus gastrik dlm perut Fahry via feeding tube tu dgn syringe. Hasil keluaran direkod, kemudian Mami guna syringe lain untuk alirkan susu ke perut Fahry. Mami cuak2 berani nak buat, mula2 kena panggil nurse teman sebab Mami tak konfiden.

Nurse suruh Mami bersihkan Fahry, tuka lampin.. tp Mami tak konfiden. Nurse jugak yg kena buat. Mami takut menyakitkan Fahry, tapi nurse buat selambabadak je. Fahry pulak nangis2 everytime nurse tukarkan lampin. Syahdu hati Mami.. Suara Fahry kuat sampai bole dengar dari pintu masuk. Nyaring je tak padan kecik.

Malam tu Mami cuba salinkan Fahry dgn support Abiy. Alhamdulillah Fahry tak nangis. Nak sentuhan tangan Mami ya?

Fahry selalu nangis2 tapi bila Mami belai, gosok2, cakap2.. baru diam. Kadang2 sampai tertidur. Sayang anak Mami ni.. Cepat besar ye sayang..

Nurse2 kata Fahry aktif sangat. Kadang2 sampai terjatuh dari alas tidur lah, teperosok di celah inkubator lah.. tiub2, wayar2 kat badan dah berapa kali Fahry cabut. Fahry.. Fahry.. baru 2 hari umur kamu ni.

Fahry kuat semangat ya.. Minum banyak2 susu Mami. sebab Fahry minum 3 jam sekali, Mami akan pam setiap 3 jam & terus beri pada Fahry. Setiap pukul 6, 9, 12, 3.. day or nite Mami kena bangun pam dan beri pada Fahry. Time ni Mami rasa nak cakap pada mak2 yang rasa dia takde susu lepas bersalin tu.. Cuba lahirkan anak premature.. Dia tak dapat direct feeding.. Kena exclusive expresing je, stimulation dari pam je. Dari hari pertama dah kena susukan, kalau tak ada susu, ape nak bagi dia makan? Kat hosp ni, nurse cakap "kalau u tak hantar susu, baby you tak makan ape2 lah". Macamana?

Alhamdulillah susu Mami makin OK. Dari peristiwa direject 2 kali tu, sekarang melebih2 dah. Fahry pun seronok menyusu walaupun tak merasa dgn lidah. Mulutnya gerak2 macam menyonyot masa susu flow masuk.

Hari pertama, hari yg penuh emosi..

A Story Behind This Special Boy

Fahry is very special, not because he is premature. it's not merely that. Fahry has something that not everybaby has. Even in this very ward, he's the only boy with such that gift.

Today his paed told us, that Fahry has high risk of infection, but they will do their best to avoid it. But it was enough to make Mommy cried for the whole day. Only after i received a call from Sis N, telling me to be strong since Fahry is 100% depend on Mommy. I had no objection then, cos it's really true. I carried him for 7 months, and our soul will stay intact forever.

Ya Allah please give us strength to go through this. May Fahry safe from any harm that could effect his little body.

However, this boy knows how to entertain Abiy & Mommy. He is a very active boy, I guess he just stop when he's sleeping. his tiny hands always look for something to be pulled! Berapa kali wayar kat tangan tercabut. And the nurses said "baby u aktif sangat, sampai terjatuh-jatuh dari tempat tidur dia". Mommy rasa satu inkubator tu dia dah explore.

Today he developed mild jaundice & the paed put him under phototheraphy. Mommy kena selalu perhati or else Fahry will tarik2 kapas yang tutup mata tu.

Actually Mommy sebak everytime tengok, sentuh, belai Fahry.. Bibirnya kering, kaki kiri macam melecet sikit.. But Mommy dunno what to do.. (could be this a post-partum? Masa Hafiy pun Mommy menangis2 juga).

This time I have to be strong. No pantang2 cos have to stay in the hospital and later ulang alik rumah-hospital. No mother to look after me. No nenek to find tukang urut, etc. Now everything is on Mommy & Abiy alone.

May Allah gives us strength... Di kejauhan ini.

It's A Boy! ...Our Miracle Boy...

alhamdulillah, Mommy has safely delivered a healthy premature baby boy at 28week pregnancy, weigh 1.2kg at Hospital Miri, Sarawak, 5th December 2008, @6.55pm.

Fahry, welcome to our world! my special miracle super child!

Fahry now in the incubator at Wad 12, Hospital Miri. stay healthy and active. Mommy, Abiy & Abang Hafiy so proud with you dear! Fahry is a very strong boy, self-breathing and has very strong voice despite his little body.

Mommy will accompany him in that ward starting tomorrow, to give him my full richness of breast milk.

**THE BIRTH**

the story started last 2 weeks Sunday 23rd November, when i felt pain on my abdomen. i was admitted for UTI and got sick leave for a week. and the following week, the pain was still there, to be exact, it was contraction. and it was getting worse day by day, so on Wednesday 3rd December i was admitted again due to light bleeding.

Dr Aida tried to stop the contraction. macam2 Mami kena.. cucuk, telan, drip, etc. sakit contraction, sakit kene cucuk... but definitely i'll do anything for my boy.

Dr Aida gave us hint about premature birth, and she gave me Dexa jabs to make the baby's lung became mature. after a day in the ward, i felt the contraction slowly gone and Dr Aida also was very positive to see Adik could stay longer.

but on 5th, the blood came out a lot and the pain also became intense. Dr Aida checked and i was 3cm dilated. immediately i was transferred from Colombia Asia to Miri Hospital, for CAMC has no facility for premie.

and it was very fast. even the doctor and nurses keep on telling that i am not going to give birth unless in the middle of the night! but only after 1 hour reaching the hospital, Adik decided to came out. and it was very smooth. he did it all by himself. Mommy just had to 'open the door' for him, hehe.

alhamdulillah. there's Fahry, our miracle baby...

**BREASTFEEDING FAHRY ON THE FIRST DAY**

Fahry is in the incubator so he can't be directly breastfed. on Saturday morning only i managed to collect about 3 cc colostrum for him (it's only for 1 feeding). i tried to collect more but the i failed with Sis Laila's Avent pump, so i tried using my hands but still couldn't collect more than 1 cc. my breastmilk was rejected, 2 TIMES! sungguh sedih. i begged so that they accepted but it was actually too little, only macam kesan-kesan di dinding bekas.

back home, i took rest and pray so that my milk will develop sooner, or else Fahry won't get any food :( (he'll only be supplemented with some kind of 'water'). i asked Hafiy to suck, in order to stimulate my milk for Fahry. Hafiy rejected at first, he shook his head! but Mommy said "Hafiy please.. tolong Adik ya... kesian Adik kalau Hafiy taknak nanti siapa nak stimulatekan susu Mommy untuk Adik..." alhamdulillah finally Hafiy agreed... and it caused Mommy mengerang2 sakit pengecutan rahim akibat tidak dibekali painkiller!

it's OK. for my boys, i rather bear any pain...

please pray for our Lil' Fahry... so that he could come home sooner and join the family!

he's a very special boy... a very special gift for us... thank you Allah.

[Mommy's gonna stay with Fahry in the hospital, until the paed decides when i should come home.. till then, Mommy might not able to update on Fahry's progress, but i'll write it somewhere and put everything here later]

Let's Pray

for Mommy... to have fast recovery..

for Adik... to hold on & be strong..

for Hafiy... to be more independent & good bro..

for Abiy... to be more patient & cool..

Ameen...

Sick Leave & Tag Compilation

this is my second week of sick leave. my gynae asked whether i wanted to stay in the hospital or at home. i choose home. huhuh. even if i have to endure the strong contraction every night and day. yes, it's contraction that everywoman will experience prior and during childbirth. i was 27 week then, examined to have UTI (urinary tract infection). i had it during Hafiy time, but after taking the medicine, it was OK but this time, seemed like nothing change, and it'd getting worse.

since weekend, everynight, EVERYNIGHT i'll have that i-am-going-to-give-birth like contraction! it just reminiscing laying down on the labour room bed to give birth to Hafiy, last year. but this time i am on my own bed, with Hafiy by my side, and both of us 'scream'. Hafiy is screaming for emem & lullaly and i am screaming to bear the pain. i told you it's not a mild contraction... it's enough to make me menggelupur.

since i am quite 'free' this morning, let's pay the tags debt :P

1. from Kak N

(1) What were you doing 5 years ago?
as a practical trainee at a gas plant in Kerteh.

(2) What were the 5 things on your to do list today?
1- sleep (i can't sleep at night due to the unbearable pain..).
2- fetch Abiy at his office and to have lunch together.
3- sweep the floor.
4- do the dishes and all the things i couldn't do last nite (due to the unbearable pain, i even couldn't sit for dinner).
5- 'try' to call or see my gynae.

(3) What are 5 snacks that you enjoy?
1- popiah simpul kecik.
2- mister potato.
3- any sandwich biscuit.
4- dried fruits.
5- waffle cake.

(4) What are 5 things that you do if you were a billionaire?
1- buy a bungalow at Damansara Country Heights. hahahaha.
2- buy Google Inc.
3- buy Dell Inc.
4- buy YTL Corp.
5- buy other generating income companies those can make me become super billionaire. kah kah kah.

(5) What are 5 jobs you've had? and still doing ?
1- pekebun sayur.
2- driver.
3- engineer.
4- documentation executive.
5- ?????

2. From Dee Hidayah

1 minit yang lalu, apa anda buat?
- minum air barli.

1 hari yang lalu, apa anda buat?
- tido.

1 hari lagi, apa anda akan buat?
- sambung tido lagi.

1 orang yang terakhir menelefon kamu?
- Kak Laily from office, asked about my subordinates' claims.

1 makanan yang baru dibeli?
- biskut.

1 barang yang baru hilang?
- my desktop. tak hilang physically tapi dia dah meninggalkan dunia ini dengan selamat.

1 cerita yang baru ditonton?
- i am not single (baik i buat cerita sendiri).

1 hal yang terakhir digosipkan?
- tentang rakan2 KGB dengan Cheq.

1 kata yang ingin diluahkan?
- "Adik sabarlaa jangan la kuar sekarang & kat sini. jom kita kuar kat Prince Court ek"

1 buku yang sudah dibaca?
- Cashflow Quadrant.

1 penyakit yang sering datang?
- argh!

1 keinginan?
- nak duk umah sendiri dengan family yang bahagia ini...

3. From Sal

Bekas kekasih saya...sekarang sedang menduda sejak beliau bercerai dengan Erra Fazira.

Saya sedang mendengar... bunyi message masuk di handphone.

Mungkin saya patut...tido saja sekarang.

Saya suka belajar... dengan Abiy. Abiy cikgu yang bagus walaupun anak muridnya tak berapa bagus.

Sahabat baik saya...buku. hahaha. tipu saja.

Saya tak faham.....term-term dalam matapelajaran Fizik. sekarang pon kene belek buku balik.

Saya kehilangan...arah.

Ramai yang berkata..."bestnya minyak dah turun!" tanpa mengetahui impak yang besar di sebaliknya terhadap negara.

Makna nama saya...ialah seseorang yang memberi hutang dan mengenakan interest yang tinggi serta bole membunuh kamu juga, iaitu ALONG :D

Cinta itu....hanya difahami oleh orang-orang yang bercinta je.

Di suatu tempat bernama...Kota Bharulah saya dilahirkan.

Saya akan cuba... bekerja dengan tekun dan bersungguh-sungguh demi negara!

Makna "selamanya".... forever.

Handphone saya...adalah hadiah dari Abiy.

Saya paling meluat....dengan orang tu.

Bila saya bangun dari tidur....Hafiy dah bangun.

Party adalah... sesuatu yang konfem ada makanan.

Haiwan yang paling cute adalah...monyet kecik sebesar ibu jari.

Peringkat umur yang paling menyeronokkan adalah...belasan tahun sebab rasa dah besar tapi takde tanggungjawab hehehe.

Hari ini saya rasa sangat tension...sebab saya nak tidur.

Malam ini saya akan cuba... untuk tidak ememkan Hafiy sebelum tidur.

Saya betul2 inginkan... Adik lahir dengan sihat, cukup sifat & saya bole direct feeding dia immediately.

Bila tengok muka kat cermin pagi tadi...saya masih cantik seperti biasa.

Shopping kompleks...yang paling saya suka kat Miri ialah Bintang Mall.

Makanan segera biasanya...jadi makanan ruji kami kat Airport.

Ayat2 terakhir pada orang... OK bye, assalamualaikum!

ok! mari kita pegi bedrest, Dik.

Learning Thru Play in Islam

when some of us think that the West has better ways to educate a child, i beg to differ. yes, we found lots of Western theories & books in the market, and with minimal books about educating a child in Islamic way. & if it is, most of the time it doesnt kupas the point until we understand the relationship between Islam and this very age (but there are some good books to read).

as in early education, Islam also has agreement with Western theoris about physical activity. that's why Saidina Ali suggested for under 7 YO kids, they should be taught through play & let them play.

the 'play' is not computer game, definitely. what had been mentioned was anything that give benefit, like physical activities, role plays, & toys those stimulate a child. according to At-Tabrani, Rasulullah recommended us to play archery, horse riding and swimming. Aisyah played with dolls during her childhood. as long as it gives benefit to them and does not associate with other religion and khurafat, it is allowed.

the importance of 'play' for children under 7YO:-

- their tendecy to play is high at that age.
- a study said that a child who spend 5-6 hours a day doing physical activity will do better in Maths, Language, social skill & leadership than a child with less than 2 hours doing it.
- physical activity helps our children to stay healthy and maintain excellent weigh.
- a good physic ignites excellent mind. a hadis by At-Tabrani said "an energetic child is going to be a very effective adult".
- toys like dolls, animals, cars, blocks, provide room for creativity and imagination.

Rasulullah liked to play with his grandchildren and sahabahs' kids. he used to go among them and offered presents for the fastest runners among those kids. Hassan & Hussein loved to be on his back, playing pretend, where Rasulullah was the horse and they were the riders.

the best part is, according to Imam Ghazali, the play always comes after hardworks. meaning, after the kids had their study time & other obligation, then they went to play. English idiom also says that, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. so does in Islamic practice.

but today's world is different. when i pass by churchs, usually they have basketball court in the yards but not all masjid has space to play, unless there's school within it. and kids are prohibited to play in masjid, either inside or outside, meanwhile during Rasulullah time, he never prohibited, and even he stopped sahabahs who scolded those children. they even played under the mimbar during Rasulullah's khutbah and he was happy with it.

as what had been said by al-Ghazali, those kids received a very good lesson at home to build their akidah, and the parents did not leave them with just -play-.

Islam has shown a well-balance child education method, hasn't it?

Flour Freak

Hafiy likes to play with 'vitriolic' things like deodorant, hair gel, body lotion, face masker, etc. and the worse part is he will end up eating them! (i caught him several times 'eating' those chemical. i think i should get rid all those thing by replacing the liquid deodorant with stone-type one and use beras goreng for face masker).

i've been thinking of making edible playdoh for him, but since our stove is out of order, instead i gave him flour to play with. and it was fun!

Hafiy's flour play:

- pour 2 cup of flour into medium sized basin.
- let him play with the flour and Mommy explains the flour texture.
- give him 2 empty cups and see what he will do with the cups. Mommy guides on how to put flour into each cup.
- Mommy pour a cup of water (little by little) onto the flour and see what happens. Mommy explains how the flour powder dilutes in water and change its state into liquid.
- Hafiy eats the mixture.
- game over.

a baker to-be am i?

oh it was really a good preoccupying moment for him and allowed me to do kitchen cleaning without 'unnecessary help' :P. Hafiy now likes to do his own experiment rather than listening to my order.

i admit that i don't spend much time with Hafiy, and if i do, it's not necessarily a quality time. i always need to lay down and just let him play alone (that's the answer why he able to get all those things mentioned in the first paragraph).

but, thanks Allah for making everything easy for me (after i-am-not-a-good-mother syndrome). Hafiy doesn't disappoint me when i put some expectation on him (even if it has to be 'many times').

thank you Allah for the syndrome i endured for many weeks. and yes, the tarbiyah from Allah came from many angles. i feel ease now. alhamdulillah...

How to Nurture Your Kids With Islamic Education

in child development, Muslim scholars and Western scholars agreed that the period of 0-6YO is the most critical time in developing a child's brain. during Abasiyah age, a child at that age (preschool) was equipped with Islamic practical life lesson before they moved to Islamic knowledge i.e. al-Quran, hadis, feqah etc. in primary school and later to knowledge in other fields i.e Math, Science, Astronomy, Geography, etc. during secondary. what matter most is what he got at his below 6YO that will determine his manner toward the future.

child education in Islam is not to depend on any institution to provide such skills and knowledge. even homeschooling is not a new thing in a true Islamic culture. even Rasulullah himself was homeschooled by Halimatus Saadiah during his early years.and the famous tagline of 'al-ummu al-madrasah' (a mother is a school) could be a strong evident that Islam encourage home education.

being a full time working mom (FTWM) should not be an excuse to not able to provide a good school for our kids.

a great school of a FTWM:

1. through role modelling
it's a fitrah for a lil kid to copy what he sees from his surroundings (remember the story of a boy slaughtered his brother after seeing his father slaughtered a sheep? and the mother lost all her 3 sons in the tragedy). and dont expect to teach the kid to say doa if we ourselves just doing it for the sake of teaching him but when away from him we never care.
- perform our daily ibadah as sincere as possible and involve our kids.
- take care of our hyegiene, health, look so that we are always in a good state.
- dont show our anger toward other people in front of them.
- dont break our promises.
- avoid talking about other people (mengumpat) when they're with us.[patotnye jgn ngumpat langsung].
- dont say bad things about their father at his back.
- etc.

2. practising them
children love to learn but in our culture, we usually take 0-4 or 5 YO as 'tak tau apa & masa untuk main'. we are retarding their brain potential in any ways! non-mumayiz kids really 'tak tau apa' but at this stage, they are absorbing all the things. this supports Abdullah Ulwan's theory of 'what determines future characteristic of a child is what he sees and experiences before he turns 7'.
- wash them as soon as they finished their 'big project', wash their hands before meal, bathe them, clean them, brush their teeth,etc. as early lesson to toharah.
- bring them together during solat, say doa everytime they want to start someting, bring him to crowd, etc. as early lesson to ibadah.
- wash their hands, faces and feet before bringing them to solat, after waking up and before go to sleep, as early lesson to wuduk.
- give them toys and book as early lesson to ilm.
- bring them out as early lesson to socialization, humanity, and other values.
- etc.

3. through advice and conversation
the famous Lukman al-Hakim used this approach to educate his son (in Surah Lukman). he conveyed the message to his son through his talk. for little kids, keep saying it to them will result an echo effect that makes them remember it.
- don't take conversation with little children for granted.
- always saying good words, praise, word of encouragement, etc.
- make family discussion a routine.
- go out & about and utilize the time to have good conversation with the children.

4. through daily routine & activities
Islam suggests us to spend good and quality time with our children. even staying at home to be with our children is better than iktikaf alone in the masjid. during Abasiyah age, kids were brought to masjid together with their parents.
- involve kids in housechores such as cooking, doing laundry, house tidying, etc. if possible dont shoo them away from kitchen cos there's lots of things to learn.
- dont associate our life with karut things i.e. ghost, spirit, & other things those bring us close to syirk.
- take them together to classes we follow.
- do exercise together.
- make sedekah a family routine by encouraging them to put money into tabung masjid etc.
- etc.

and as we all know, child education should start before they are born through:
- take care of our health along the pregnancy journey.
- eat good food, in term of nutrition & sources (halal).
- think positive.
- plan for the unborn child's future, for his education, welfare etc.
- etc.
and after they are born through:
- say azan & iqamah to their ears.
- give them good names.
- breastfeed them for at least 2 years.
- perform akikah for them.

Islamic practice is nothing more than common senses. we dont have to get a degree from al-Azhar to be a good Muslim. Western & Eastern theory of child education and early learning is parallel to what Islam says about it. & following whatever theories is actually practising Islamic way, because what in those theories had been practised by our Islamic scholars' parents during the time of Islamic civilazation glittering.

if we knew about al-Razi, al-Biruni, al-Kindi, Umar Khayyam, Al- Khawarizmi, Ibnu Sina, etc., they were not only mastered in their field such as medic, math, botany, astronomy, etc. but also in other curriculum like philosophy, music, art, literacy and so on. how could they be such that great?

Supermummy is giving away Gin & Jacqie bag for free!

okay. this is my first time participating in a contest. hahaha. the last contest i was in could be... forum remaja during my secondary school. well, let's just try our luck.

(copy from the contest's blog)

And so.. I WILL BE HAVING A CONTEST AGAIN TODAY! The prize is.....

Gin & Jacqie's Hobo Bobo!

If you are wondering what the heck is Hobo Bobo, it is actually a stylish gym bag that can fit a ball into! Made with soft cotton nylon in unique shape, it is inclusive of drawstring shoe bag.

Here's what you need to do to enter this contest.

1. Create a new post in your blog with this title:
Supermummy is giving away Gin & Jacqie bag for free! (DONE)

2. Answer the following question:
Who is the creator of Gin & Jacqie?
Answer : Jacqueline Ng.

3. Complete this slogan:
I deserve a super lovely Gin & Jacqie bag because.. i have a very 'bad taste' in choosing bag. i don't have many bags cos i dont know what is suitable to me & it makes i have only : 1 handbag (hantaran kawen) , 1 totem bag (got it by purchasing Medela FS, hahaha) and several backpacks (got them free when attending my company's forums). so if you give me this bag, you are doing a very good deed for helping me to have another bag, which is so stylish and i'm sure everyone is keeping their eyes on it.

if i get that bag, it will definitely add value to my life, because i am well-known as 'budak sekolah that always carry same bag'. who knows by using this bag, it will change my personality and how do people look at me. and of course it will be my very first stylish-lavish-sooo beautiful bag to have! and it will also give you a good reputation cos i will tell them "i got this for free from Supermummy!"

just think about it. out there could be many ladies with lots of bags collection but i don't. would you rather give your piece of cake to those who has tons of food or to who that has only a loaf of bread? :D kesian tau i tadak beg. huhhh~~~~

4. Link back to Malaysian Supermummy (no link back will be disqualified ya)
OK then this is the link to Malaysian Supermummy!

5. Leave a comment at this post so I know that you have already completed the task! (DONE)

Sounds confusing? Leave your inquiry at the comment if you have any questions! Anyway 2 winners will be picked based on creativity in completing the slogan and contest will end Friday, 28 November 2008 by 5.30pm. (DONE)

Good luck everyone! (GOOD LUCK TO ME :P)

Make Profit From Your Credit Card

not everyone 'affords' to have credit cards for it has a huge buying power. remember credit card ads those promote a you-can-afford-anything kind of expenditure, with immediate credit limit increases, etc. for some people, this just a hanging rope or like putting sword at their own throat, due to incompetency in handling the buying will.

but for us, credit card is our friend. we use it in almost all transaction at the cashier counter. we rarely keep cash in our pocket and use it only at the counters where credit card payment are not available, or where they set the minimum limit of transaction.

im not kidding when i say, we are actually making profit from credit card usage. we got our house's electrical equipment, fuel coupon, movie ticket, etc. at zero or minimum cost.

how to be a smart credit card user and benefited by it:

1. never treat credit card as a leverage on other people's money cos it's your money.
2. record all your expenses and set your limit goal to pay using credit card.
3. pay all your bills on time.
4. minimize cash in your wallet, for emergency purpose only.
5. choose credit card that give you the most for reasonable points.

and the most important part is, change your mindset to be an effective spender, not a effective 'swiper'. it's a good feeling when we receive monthly bill by smiling to the points we collect rather than sighing on our total higher-than-our-monthly-salary balance :D

Frequent Traveller

are you in Miri or KL? are the FAQ nowadays. this is how we run our life since four months ago, when i accepted the offer to involve in a project which requires me to be in KL.

it was fun travelling, until we are entering this very third trimester, it sometimes very tiring. since i was pregnant, i have to take a day of sick leave after touching down LL because it's so exhausting after that 2.5 hours flying.

and with this i-cant-stop-myself Hafiy, oh you bet how fatigue i could be. during our flight to Miri last time, he refused to sit and i have to follow him all the time, running here and there along the narrow plane's isle. it was night flight so i have to watch him all the time or he would disturb other's sleep when he liked to touch and say hi to those passengers.

but this never be a reason for me to leave him anymore :) i just want my babies to be with me all the time rather than feeling regret like in my previous trip.

if possible, i want to get excuse from attending next week's meeting and training but it's my responsibility to be there since i am the representative for my office. and i have no reason to not attending it just because i am pregnant.

i don't know how people see someone like me coping with our life. i don't have much choice or be demanding because i am very new in this field (yes boss?) and most importantly i need a job to help Abiy raising our family. makan gaji macam ni lah.

i hope this will grow myself and my kids to be tougher because they are different than other kids who are comfortably stationed in their own crib while my kids have to follow the world demand. even if i am not on this nature of job attachment, they will also have to fly with me because i am breastfeeding them (if i could find a good babysitter).

when will all this things ends because i am very tired. i want to live as a normal mother and wife in one house with my family.. [macamlah Mami sorang dlm Malaysia yang kena travel & be a monthly wife :P].

(Abiy might not agree with this writing but just take this as the third trimester blues).

Hafiy's Fine Motor Activity

being a one-year old boy is a very exciting moment for Hafiy. as now he can mobilise himself, he likes to go anywhere in the house, especially to the kitchen and upstairs, finding Mommy. he undergoes a huge change, from crawling to walking/running, and perhaps, many things those were in his dream before, now he can grab them.

i think he's now having lots of fun in his own world. even if he never wanna shows his ability to me (why toddlers nowadays alway like to 'hide' their talents from parents?) but i'm sure he's having fun everyday. and lucky the Bibik is not only feeding and washing him, but also 'teaching' him on daily good manners, such as salam, doa, solat, etc. & playing with his blocks and rings. and she put some target on what Hafiy should reach at certain age, i.e. should be able to walk at 12 months (yes, he did at 11 months!). now Bibik's target is, Hafiy should able to talk by 18 month. so, we wait and see! my target? adela... (sometimes i feel 'sayang' plak kat Bibik ni, despite lots and lots of complaints :P)

as a toddler, he likes to tear things! i used to give him old magazine to tear and bite, but as he grows up we changed it to board book and pull-up book. but he does not like board book (because nobody in the house reading boardbook!) & now all the pull-up things is gone.. hehe.

lucky we bought this during sale. dah tak cukup sifat now.

because of that, i bought a knob-puzzle board. but as a 1-yeor-old, he's still fighting with the fitting into the slots. and i have to join him all the time to ensure his motivation is always up, cos he gets easily bored if unsuccessfully doing something. same goes with the form-fitter.

but he has his own favourite things to do. screw and unscrew cap/lid. but he still don't do it for balang kuih raya :P he used to addict to empty containers such as lotion, moisturiser and even his milk bottles. but now he changes to 'unempty' bottles, like this one:

and this have to be 'pantau'ed all the time cos he will end up licking the roller. yuck!

of course i want him to do something else as well, but look like he enjoys the bottles/containers very much. so, rather than spoiling his mood for something i want him to do, i better let him doing what he likes to do. even if i have to wake up at the middle of the night because he wants to unscrew my deodorant!

even if the activities look so simple, but it is stimulating his fine motor skill. fine motor skillsis crucial, because it may not only involve the fingers but only coordination with eyes and brain. babies use these skill since birth, as they started to use their sight. and as they grow up, this skill shall be enhanced to help them in their future-independent activities such as eating, dressing, writing, etc.

try to varies the activities as much as you can but don't underestimate if your children refuse to play with other things (Hafiy is a screw-unscrewing addict!), because as simple activity as clapping hands is actually stimulating their fine motor!

13 Month Hafiy & 26 Week Adik

sejak Mami tinggal Hafiy waktu balik Miri last 2 week, i took a week untuk sesuaikan diri balik dengan Hafiy. OK, i dunno about other kids, tapi Hafiy memang sangat jauh berbeza. sampai hati Mami berkata-kata "betul ke Hafiy anak Mami ni? apsal lain?"

antara kelainan yang Mami dapat rasa (masa mula2 balik):-
- muka makin bulat.
- dah tak bercakap! before Mami tinggal if nak ape2, adalah words yang Mami bole faham, like "em", "mam", "em-mi", "Ma-mi", "nak"... tapi sejak kene tinggal, nak apa2 semua main jerit ke. kena la try & error satu-satu sampai jumpa Hafiy nak apa sebenarnya.
- Hafiy dah taknak bf bila Mami balik kerja. biasanya Mami balik2, terus claim em-Mi, tapi sekarang if Mami offer pun taknak. kalau nak pun, sekadar jaga hati je. 'lick' sikit2 pastu pegi main kat dapur.
- hantu TV ok!

yang lain Mami tak kisah pun, cuma part yang paling last tu, agak down jugaklah bila duk kusyuk join Bibik & Tok Ma tengok drama Malay or Indon. bukan ape, faham-faham la kalo dah tengok drama zaman sekarang ni... and at this age, Hafiy sedang giat mengcopy benda-benda yang ditengok. kalau join Abiy tengok TV takpe, Abiy tengok channel news je :D

malam first Mami sampai, Hafiy nangis-nangis masa nak tido, even if mata dah tak bole buka. macam2 Mami buat, tiup2 segala, bagi emem, semua taknak. last-last... bawak turun... Tok Ma bukak TV. OK.. barula tido! rupa-rupanya masa Mami takde, Hafiy tido kat depan TV.

Mami agak pantang kalau tido kat tempat lain selain bilik, kalau ada bilik. if balik kampung tak boleh buat ape la kan. itu Mami selalu kejut Abiy kalau beliau tertidur depan TV. bukan Abiy je, Tok Pa, Tok Ma & sape2 ajelah yang tertidur depan TV, Mami kejut suh tidur bilik. selain dari keselesaan di atas tilam, kat dalam bilik lebih secure dari ruang tamu. kalau kat ruang tamu tu, orang masuk ke (naudzubillah), terus jumpa kita dulu.

so, start dari malam berikutnya, lepas dinner je, Mami terus 'melarikan' Hafiy ke atas. syukurlah, sekarang if Mami lepak2 sekejap kat bawah, Hafiy dah merengek nak naik atas. kat atas lagi best main kan? Hafiy kan suka main buka-tutup bekas-bekas & main-main barang Mami especially perfume & sikat rambut.

now Hafiy dah big boy, 13 bulan dah. macam-macam perangai lah budak nak membesar.

(1) malam-malam tidur awal tapi midnight bangun, ada la apa-apa yang dikehendaki. malam tadi Hafiy nak main deodoran Mami. mula-mula macam biasa... cap and uncap. lepas tu calit2 kat badan Mami. and finally... nak jilat! oh itu sudah tiada dalam kurikulum penggunaan deodoran. bila Mami simpan balik, Hafiy nangis sekuat hati. offer benda2 lain semua Hafiy geleng. oh Mami tak larat nak layan. biar aje merengek-rengek sampai tidur sendiri.

(2) nak makan sendiri. nak lauk yang orang lain makan. tapi orang-orang tua suka tengok Hafiy makan. derang kata Hafiy pandai makan, tak main sumbat semua. makan suap sikit-sikit, ada lauk, sayur... tapi still la lantai makan lagi banyak. pastu suka suap orang. Mami & ABiy la yang selalu kena suap :D pandai Hafiy ni, nanti boleh suapkan Adik ye...

"mam Abiy, mam..!"

(3) tahu duk dalam toilet. kalau toilet cangkung, Hafiy cangkung. toilet duduk, Hafiy duduk. tapi kita tak ada pelapik toilet untuk toddler. pegi shopping complex je la dapat merasa sesekali...

(4) Hafiy suka selongkar drawer senduk Tok Ma dan peti ais tempat simpan sayur. benda paling disukai, main senduk, bawang dan belacan or asam jawa. kalau orang sibuk kat dapur, Hafiy pun sibuk sama nak tumbuk, nak masak sekali. so kene selalu ada senduk dan pinggan plastik kat tangan.

(5) dan macam-macam lagila perangai budak masuk tahun ke-2 kehidupan.

Mami & Abiy pulak kena ready dengan kerenah-kerenah yang bakal kami hadapi, especially benda2 berkenaan tantrum (why the young toddlers always associate with tantrum?). sekarang pun Hafiy dah menunjukkan ciri-ciri tersebut bila:-

(1) nak dokong tapi Mami suruh jalan. guling-guling kat lantai la jawabnya.
(2) bila nak buat something tapi tak dapat, i.e. tak dapat nak cap-kan botol, nasiblah botol tu kena campak (tapi Hafiy kutip balik dan cuba lagi. good).
(3) bila pegi bookstore, Hafiy suka grab color2 yang ada kat situ, especially water color dalam silinder kecik2 tu. kalau Mami cakap "..letak balik", Hafiy geleng. kalau Mami ambil dari tangan Hafiy, siaplah satu store tu Hafiy jerit.

dah la tu story sal Hafiy.

semalam Mami pegi check up Adik. he is 26 week now (*he, OK). alhamdulillah, Mami have no problem except bleeding gum dan perasaan 'kembang' di pintu gate Adik nak kuar nanti. Dr. Seri recommends Mami jumpa dentist, since Mami tak ada bleeding kat tempat lain i.e. nose, luka2, etc. so takde masalah dengan blood, cuma perkara biasa, during pregnancy gusi akan bengkak sikit. tapi kali ni teruk jugaklah bleeding gum tu, everytime gosok gigi berdarah yang sangat banyak & kadang2 if kumur without gosok gigi pun boleh berdarah. and about the perasaan 'kembang' could be because urat kembang. nanti lepas bersalin baru boleh treat (jika betul).

Dr Seri cakap, Adik agak besar lah. and maybe akan lahir besar. ops... saspen pulak. berat Mami pun naik mencanak2. dari 45kg before pregnant, sampailah 4 bulan 44kg je, 5 bulan jadi 50kg, sekarang dah dekat 54kg! masa Hafiy, full term Mami 55kg... isk isk isk. Mami gemuk! pipi pun kembang semangkuk dah ni.

image dicilok dari BabyCentre. tapi Adik tak duk cam gambar tu lah. kepala Adik kat bawah.

overall, Adik OK. gerak pun OK. plasenta pun kat atas. fibroid pun dah takde. cuma malu sikitlah Adik ni. semalam dua2 tangan tutup muka. Dr Seri suluh2 pun taknak bukak juga. print pun gamba tangan je. hehe. takpelah, nanti lain kali kita suluh lagi.

Mami pun ada tanya Dr Seri pasal GBS (Group B Streptococcus). dia kata, dia cuma akan buat test tu kalau ada simptom saja, like discharge yang luar biasa & dapat detect dari urine test. routinly, dia tak buat lah. Dr Seri cakap Mami, jangan risau ye, you sihat :) alhamdulillah.

tapi Mami lupa mintak surat naik flight. lagi 2 minggu dah 28week, kene ada surat dah nak fly.

sekarang malam-malam before tido Mami cakap-cakap ngan Hafiy sambil pegang perut. "ni Adik.. sayang Adik... Hafiy jaga Adik tau...bla bla bla" reaksi Hafiy? kadang2 kiss perut Mami. kadang2 buat derk je. kadang2 nangis. entah faham ke tidak :P

"Adik? ape tu?

alhamdulillah, kita bakal dapat boy lagi. Abiy dah saspen, takut rumah runtuh pulak. ye lah, dah dua2 boy kan. tapi biasalah budak2, kalau duk diaaaaam je, pelik pulak kan. Mami akan belajar, especially dari Tok Pi. kagum dengan dia. anak dia 3 lelaki berturut2, beza umur 1 & 2 tahun je. walaupun sangat2 playful, tapi sangat2 boleh diharap. usia tadika dah boleh jemur-angkat kain, kemas rumah, bancuh teh, siap bole buat kuih raya lagi. bukan setakat tolong Mak, tapi buat sendiri! biasa yang Mami tengok, budak lelaki usia tadika & tahap 1 sekolah rendah, keje nak main je...

Mami rasa.. mencabar juga lah sebenarnya. especially for Abiy. kawan2 sebaya Abiy baru nak memulakan hidup, baru nak kahwin, dan ramai lagi yang belum kahwin. Abiy dah nak masuk anak ke-2. kalau Mami, ramai dah kawan Mami anak 3-4 orang, so takde la rasa janggal. semoga Allah memelihara keluarga kita. yang penting, Allah bagi kekuatan pada Mami untuk mendidik anak-anak supaya tak menyusahkan orang lain.

bila tengok anak-anak orang (lain) pegi rumah/tempat orang, buat kecoh, buat sepah, etc. sikit sebanyak buat hostnya tak selesa, Mami pun saspen je.... anak-anak Mami behave tau? ameen. insya-Allah. :)

CMPA & Lactose Intolerance

Hafiy showed some symptoms of 'unsuitable with cow milk' when first time i added formula (Dupro) in his solid, 6 months back, but i wasn't aware. he got rashes and colic. actually it triggered questions for why did the strange rashes appear (it was like 'kena taik ulat' all over his body) but we tot because of the heat. Miri kan panas.

and it happened again last month, when i tried to supplement him with cow milk, after my milk dwindled. he got rashes and diarrhea for days.

i tot it was the sign of lactose intolerance, but as far as i remember, lactose intolerance (LI) wont produce rashes cos it's only play with the digestive system. it should not be more than:
- bloated
- ab cramp
- diarrhea
- colic

we didnt refer to any paed (it was raya then & we were at KB), i only asked the panel dr, and he suggested to change to the other milk.

so i went to pharmacy to find the best formula for Hafiy. after almost 1 hour 'researching' & send smses to some FF-moms, i came with a conclusion that, there are 3 types of fm:
- cow based milk with lactose
- cow based milk lactose free
- soy based milk

ok, we get rid of the first one, but now, which one? both are lactose free & LF cow milk is slighly cheaper..

so i did 'further research' and finally i suspected Hafiy to have CMPA (cow milk protein allergy) rather than LI. again, i didnt go to paed cos i think it was manageable :p

CMPA is not LI, and it's more severe, cos it's a kind of allergy that involve his imune system, not only the digestive system. it is life thretening! the symptoms include:
- diarrhea
- rashes and eczema
- vomit
- colic
- cough
- short of breath

it can appears in 45 minutes or after 24 hours of milk intake. if LI is the inability to break down the milk sugar (lactose), CMPA is worse cos it happens when the immune system reacts with cow protein, in abnormal way.

so babies with CMPA only can take soy formula, cos LF cow milk still has cow milk protein.

ironically, soy fm is d*mn expensive!

and i dun understand why Hafiy likes that fm so much. he never2 be like this during EBM time (ok i knew it. it could be because of incorrectly handled EBM by the caretaker?), now he drinks 1 tin of 900gram per week! bengkok mak tau!

but in the same time i feel so syukur cos he's 'willing' to take other milk, at least before Adik is born. tapi malam2 mengamuk jugak nak 'Em Mi'.

i hope Hafiy's CMPA wont be long. first, we have no family history of such allergy. second, he was fully breastfed for 1year, with 6 months of exclusive bf. most of the time, causes of CMPA is from family history & shorter duration of exclusive bf. i hope this is just the reaction from his first time exposure to cow milk.

oh but wait. this is a good news! i have a good 'excuse' to continue bf Hafiy nanti (in case orang tua bising2). "dia elergik susu lembu & susu soya mahal sangat! biar kongsi dengan Adik je, jimat" :p

*just wanna share the cost of this soy fm:
1 tin x RM54/tin/1week x 4 week/1month = RM54x4 per month!
berapa tu.. bole beli pam lagi satu :D
tapi demi anak2,apelah sangat kan?

Motherhood

when talking about motherhood, parenting and things relate to it, i feel so humble. i am only a so-and-so mother. i don't make a supermom. i don't have anything to be proud of, as a mother myself.

i can't provide the world's best things to my kids. i don't have high intelligence to see them in different angle, than what i am seeing them today. when i do someting on my kids, i don't know whether they're happy. i have not enough courage to push myself, to be what i should. i can't do what other mothers did.

sometimes i feel so low, especially when putting myself among other mothers. i feel so lousy, and been left far behind them. my day is keep on running but i'm still standing at the same point. i have nothing to be proud of, for being a mother.

but when looking at them, to kiss their cheeks, to hear them breathes, to smell their natural fragrants, to hug them close... i knew i did a great job!

afterall, becoming a mother is the greatest job ever!

*yesterday we met mother bloggers & other bloggers at Ryan birtday bash. what a day! till we meet again! (stories at Aunty Yaya's & Aunty Nannoor's blog).

What Ayat/Surah?

several friends asked me about "what is the ayat for this & that purpose?", "surah for this & that purpose?", example, "what is the ayat to calm my turbulence heart?", or "what surah to make my child/unborn child genius?", etc.

my standard answer would be "you read al-Quran, and ask forgiveness from Allah (istighfar)".

i believe that al-Quran had been sent to us through Muhammad SAW as a 'user manual' for us, not as a kind of 'medicine' or something to save you from any harm. and al-Quran is just a book, unless when we read it. and the whole al-Quran is asy-syifaa'.

should not read it during certain time or certain surah e.g. Surah Maryam, Yusuf, etc ONLY to be read during pregnancy for this & that purpose. should not only reading Yaasin on Friday night. and should not only read al-Quran only when you're on the praying mat.

i put myself in a lucky group for being born in a Malay family that made me a Muslim automatically. however, sometimes we take this for granted, cos we're born Muslim, it complacents us enough to 'no need to learn & do research bout Islam' until it makes us confuse between Islamic practice and Malay practice.

among the 'confusions' is how we treat the Holy Book. let's see...

MALAY PRACTICES:
1. keep al-Quran at the highest shelf to show our respect.
2. don't let children 'play' with al-Quran.
3. al-Quran is very exclusive & should be read on the praying mat/in the masjid.
4. be properly dressed to read al-Quran.
5. etc.

actually there's nothing wrong with above, cos they're also should be our manner toward al-Quran. but, what i can see the effects from 'improperly managed' those manners:
1. it's placed high and hard to get it frequently. then only the ants read.. or for exhibition. al-Quran should be 'treated' like other books and vice versa. keep it at lower shelf so that it is easy to access. and other books are also 'ilmu'. dont put them 'down'.
2. kids are not familiar with al-Quran and quite hard to make them love 'mengaji'.
3. when we're away from those places we do not familiar with reciting it at any other places, i.e., in the bus/train, while waiting for our order/friend in a restaurant, etc.
4. so many excuses for 'not able' to recite al-Quran.
5. etc.

i also heard many excuses to make them 'not able' to perform this practice:
1. don't understand Arabic so better read other articles.
2. can't recite al-Quran well.
3. -ditto- & afraid of sin if read it incorrectly.

but,
1. have you ever heard about Terjemahan or Translation? if you still confuse, go get an easy Tafsir. or find someone to help.
2. there's a hadith mentions 'for those who recite al-Quran well, he'll get 1 pahala. & those who can't do it well (but still reading) will get 2 pahala. so, enjoy the priviledge!
3. that's why we're asked to learn..

well, reading al-Quran is not a compulsory, meaning if you don't read it, you won't be punished. but imagine this, you entered exam hall and answer the paper without reading the instruction carefully. then after the paper is returned to you, you got 0% because of the instruction 'do not answer anything' that you didnt read. it is not compulsory to read the instruction, right? but for not reading it, you get 0%.

ok maybe it's a bit harsh. imagine you have a luxury car, with luxury color and fabulous look. but the speed limit is only 20km/h. how long will it takes you to your destination, compared to those cars with 240km/h speed limit?

and leave the mindset of 'i get this because i recite this surah/ayat'. it's not because the power of any ayat to bestow any bless, all comes from Allah's love (rahmat). the ayat/surah somehow is only our effort. do what He loves and leave things He hates. we'll get anything we want, insya-Allah (& at least a mind with serenity if we dont/cant have it).