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What Makes A Good Parent

being a parent is more than become a mother, or father. parent is the first person a little child could see... someone who they 'think' they 'should' imitate in order to grow up.

i remember my 'discussion' with one of my friend, Aunty Jina about her 2 YO daughter's tantrum. whenever she (the lil girl) gets upset, she'll scream and throw everything over, even if in public. (even if both of us had no experience) we talked to find the best way to stop that tantrum. i told her that it could be a normal tantrum for a little kid but she said, she didn't think so since her little siblings were never had as such. could it be the uniqueness? then she told me, she thought it could be because of her hot-tempered husband. the father, everytime in bad temper will shout to the family, smash things, etc. Aunty Jina then (she threw up the problem & she gave the solution herself) brought her daughter away everytime the father in bad mood, and she told & show the kid how to deal with emotion (luckily she was a cool lady) and gave her baby options such as "if you scream, you won't get anything but if you behave Mama will give you present". after few weeks (or months? forget already) she 'reported' that the tantrum was over. but it should be lots of hardworks huh?

i really believe in 'kepimpinan melalui teladan' and i'm truly against 'parenting style' that asking the kids to read books while the parents watching TV.[TV is the most attractive & powerful tool that preoccupies baby's (like Hafiy) mind. he'll stop all activities including BFing to 'watch' his favourite TV programmes (news, talkshows & Spongebob). -but i'm quite OK with that, at least he's watching the news!- i'm not against TV cos it also provides lots of infos but parents should guide the kids on what program they should watch rather than let them to decide. oh it is so.. vast of 'dirty amusement' & even sometimes i hate watching the typical Malay movies/drama that symbolises the 'short-minded', 'empty-life' of Malays... to me watching cartoon is better]

this is a story about my family.

my mother loved to read. she didn't read thick2 books but magazines and comic. i believe that it gave a big impact when i could read before i entered kindergarten (that time it was a miracle achievement cos at my kampung, Standard 1-3 pon not many could read or even knew A B C). my father said he just bought me a set of A B C blocks and from that i learned to spell, to read, to write, etc. and of course it because they also read (i'm not sure they read to me or not) & i'm sure it drove me learn how to read.(that time was no flash card, etc.)

i was not a genius child & reading at that early ages wasn't because i used to be genius, but the culture nurtured by my parents had actually encourage me to read. my Pak Teh said, my 'kegilaan' toward reading was very extreme until i would stop to collect any papers on the floor/road to read 'em. but it gave side effect, it made me a very untalkative person cos too busy reading! even i seldomly talk to my aunties & uncles.

in my opinion, a good parent should not be someone who could give 'everything' to his/her babies; branded clothes, branded toys, branded things, expensive goods, hi-standard classes/school, lots of wealths, etc... but someone who could be the best role model to the kids.

i don't think is it works if a father told his son to 'stay away from cigarette' while he's puffing the smoke...

1. we want our kids to be healthy, so we should have healthy lifestyle first. we should have enough rest, eat healthy foods, exercise, etc. & get regular medical check up.
2. we want to keep our kids safe, we first have to practise safety. wear seatbelt! practise HSE at home, clean up the mess before leaving the room, careful with knives, hot pane, etc.
3. we want our kids to learn, we should keep our minds active. read books, try new things, do something new together with our kids.
4. we want our kids to communicate. we first have to talk to others. practise effective listening and talking. have efficient discussion with out spouse and kids during family time & ask their opinion too!
5. we want our kids to do good deeds. we have to practise good manner. talk nicely to others, say thank you or sorry, pray, read Quran, respect others, etc.
6. we want our kids to enjoy life, so we shouldn't invite stress to come to our mind. listen to music or interesting TV shows, read some comics, do something fun, practise creativity, play etc.

we should have regular discussion with the kids, even if he's only a baby. when Hafiy does something like kacau2 barang Abiy, i still layan him but say to him "we don't play with other's belonging. this is Abiy's and let's put it at its place OK". i don't simply put the things back and scold "no! no!" or it will hinder his future exploration. and the pantang is when one of us talk to our kids, the other should not intefere, and don't say something like "u jgn marah baby mcm tu, u pun sama je..".oh i bet the kid will lose respect to the parent who tried to 'tegur' that no-no behavior.

so what makes us good parents? it's not the materials or any methods, but it is how we cultivate our life.