A week

it has been a week, i didn't go to SCN to see Fahry. and for a week, Abiy went there every morning and night, other than bringing Fahry his food, was to check on him and perform gentle massage. he is a great father, juggling with his office work, family at home & at the hospital. we knew that Abiy is exhausted cos most of the time, people in the office will go for him and need him to be in some important meetings, including inter-boundary meeting with Brunei. and he has to take care for his own family, beside his mom's family in KL. Abiy is a big hearted guy, isn't he?

Abiy told that Fahry was moved from in front of nurse's counter into a room next to it, and now wearing cloth diaper :D

Fahry is now taking 25ml per feeding and is constantly in sleeping mode everytime Abiy goes there. his current weight is unknown. i hope he's gaining weight lah.

Abiy said the wound at his right foot is 'dry'. and his skin also dry so i bought Buds Baby Lotion, because it is organic and i was too afraid to put paraben things on his thin skin :D Abiy uses that cream to massage his body.

this evening Abiy told me "i think you should be there. poor lil boy, nobody is there to comfort him". i said even if my eyes now is OK but i rather wait for 2-3 days to make myself confidence that i am really OK. yeah i as much as possible try to bring away any harm from my babies.

nothing much on Fahry that i knew. i hope he's getting bigger by the time i'm there to treat him. i always remember Fahry's smell, and can't wait to be there again.

today i got some calls and texts from some close friends who just knew about Fahry, and they felt bad about that. i must say that, don't be, cos i really didn't tell anyone about Fahry, except my ex-roomate cos i don't know how to. oh tidak kelakar. for others who really want to know more about Fahry, i just say "u can check it in my blog".

and you know, when somebody in a happy mood congratulate you for your new baby, would you rather ruin it by telling about your child that might be heart-melting. others maybe are, but i'm not. & i dont want anybody to assume that we're in misery for having Fahry, no. he's my son & we are so happy. & would you still be happy if someone tell you "my baby cacat"? would you still eager to congratulate? furthermore, most of the time they'll ask "baby sihat?", so i answer "sihat alhamdulillah". :)

so, to make everything easy to everyone, i rather put it in this blog rather than telling everybody personally.

(Hafiy sometimes gives me headache for he likes to stay up at night and disallow me to pump for Fahry's milk)

we would like to thanks to everybody, for your supports and helps.. and definitely for the friendships you launched for our family.

buat yang menulis tentang Fahry di blog masing-masing, we really appreciate it! thank you so much for your concerned.

may ALLAH blesses everyone and give you all the best things in your life..

TERIMA KASIH BANYAK-BANYAK, THANK YOU SO MUCH,
ありがとう, HAVALA, MERCI,
GRACIAS, 감사합니다, شكرا, спасибо, 谢谢...

~ hugs from Hafiy, Fahry & family...

**i am very sorry for not able to reply all the messages, SMSes, or even return your calls & pay the visit to your blogs. i will definitely DO IT some fine day :) ~~ - Mami Hafiy

Amniotic Band Syndrome

OK now i have time to find it out...

this is what happened to Fahry

Amniotic band syndrome is a rare condition caused by strands of the amniotic sac that separate and entangle digits, limbs, or other parts of the fetus. This constriction can cause a variety of problems depending on where strands are located and how tightly they are wrapped.

It is believed that amniotic band syndrome occurs when the inner membrane (amnion) ruptures, or tears, without injury to the outer membrane (chorion). The developing fetus is still floating in fluid but is then exposed to the floating tissue (bands) from the ruptured amnion. This floating tissue can become entangled around the fetus.

The cause of amnion tearing is uncertain and is consider a chance event. It does not appear to be genetic or hereditary, so the likelihood of it occurring in another pregnancy is remote.
[SOURCE:UCFS FTC]

what shown in the picture above is exactly what happened to Fahry. but with the other hand and foot also affected.

It is itself part of the pregnancy, formed early on from cells descended from the original fertilized egg.
[SOURCE: CMH]

kesiannya Fahry.. dalam perut Mami lagi dah rasa sakit. takpe..takpe... so skarang Fahry mesti dah imune dengan rasa sakit-sakit kan :) kuatnya Fahry ni! nanti bole la Mami buli kasi dera-dera sikit :D (adakah ini satu 'penghibur hati'?).

tapi rasa macam best pulak kan. RARE CONDITION --> bukan senang nak dapat ni. 1 in 10,000 live birth. kira kita dah masuk dalam statistik tu lah. huhuhu.

agaknya sebab tu Fahry nak kuar cepat-cepat, tak tahan dah kene jerut kat dalam tu kan. tapi Mami tengok memang kat jari-jari Fahry macam ada 'benang'. doktor try nak cabut but ia macam melekat je kat situ. could be itula dia band-nya kan?

syukur alhamdulillah ia cuma menjerut kaki-kaki & tangan-tangan Fahry je... kalau kena muka kan dah tak hensem... kalau kena cord ke leher ke...., oh tak sanggup Mami think about it.

more on amniotic band syndrome : with pictures.

so it's not because of:

- lack of nutrition.
- breastfeeding.
- prematurity makes the limbs couldn't develop (in fact IT IS THERE (the limbs) since 3-4 month of pregnancy).
- genetic (nobody in our family has it).
- kenan
- etc.

New Experience

having Hafiy and Fahry, gives me a totally different experience. it's like 180degree punya difference.

-the pregnancy-
HAFIY : morning sickness yg teruk. 4 months without nasik.
FAHRY : almost no morning sickness. except tak bole minum air masak banyak2 or muntah habis.

-the hospital-
HAFIY : private.
FAHRY : gomen.

-the labor-
HAFIY : dunno when it was started. but the show was out at 1630hrs & Hafiy came 7 and half hour later. i was given pethadine to make me fall asleep tapi tak sempat tido pun...
FAHRY : the contraction started 2 weeks before, the show came out a week before, the cervic opened 4 hours before the birth. i was given NOTHING (drug) for his prematurity.

-the birth-
HAFIY : 9.30pm reached the labor room, 12.01am Hafiy was born. i didn't feel anything during the birth process because of drug given by Dr Awang (not epidural). Dr Awang gave me petadine to make me sleep because "esok pagi baru awak bersalin".
FAHRY : 5.30pm reached the labor room, 6.45pm (but official is 6.55pm) Fahry was born. he came out just after the amniotic fluid came & i still can feel him, getting out from my body. i was left alone in the room until i have to scream to call the nurse because "lama ni awak sakit sebab saya tak bagi drug, baby awak premature & lambat sikitlah.. tengah malam nanti baru bersalin".

-the afterbirth-
HAFIY : tak rasa ape2 cos dah pengsan.
FAHRY : rasa SEMUA. Fahry came out, the placenta came out, how the nurse korek2 darah beku, nurse jahit hidup2, etc.

-the post-natal-
HAFIY : i didn't feel the contraction pengecutan rahim even if during breastfeeding because of the painkiller. (TQ so much!). but i had a very severe sembelit.
FAHRY : sakitnyaa!!! kadang2 tak bole pam susu sebab sakit~~~ but no sembelit. best!

Why

"kenapa jadi macam tu?"
"gynae tak detect ke?"
"tak cukup zat ke?"
"maybe banyak sangat travel?"
etc. etc. etc.

the answer is, we don't know. even the gynaes, the paeds pun couldn't give the exact answer. but they wrote in the report as 'IN UTERO INFECTION'. what cause it? we don't know. from the lab test, it shown -ve for womb infection. the paed said it was because of 'amniotic band'. apa tu? i'll find it out later.

yes, the gynae didn't do detail scan. but i feel OK even if my gynae didn't do it to check the fingers, toes, and whatnot... it won't change anything if we knew it before the birth pun.

we are truly happy to celebrate Fahry's arrival. takde rasa dan takde masa pun nak investigate kenapa & mengapa. this is our absolute happiness. for us, the biggest gift ever. Mami cuma ada terfikir kenapa Fahry jadi macam ni & cuba elakkan perkara sama berulang untuk adik-adik Fahry. tapi in the end Mami sedar ini semua anugerah dari Allah SWT. & ini sekali-kali BUKAN kifarah dosa2 kami atau sebab musabab dari perbuatan2 kami. Fahry tak carry dosa sape-sape pun & tak carry perbuatan sape2. semuanya sebab Allah kasih akan Fahry & Dia beri kelebihan pada Fahry yang tak ada pada orang lain.

Mami tak suka bila orang kaitkan ape yang berlaku pada anak dengan perbuatan2 parent-nya! dosa seseorang ditanggung oleh empunya diri, tak ada kaitan dengan sesiapa pon!
"dan sesiapa yang mengerjakan sesuatu dosa maka sesungguhnya ia hanya mengerjakannya untuk (menjadi bala bencana yang) menimpa dirinya sendiri. dan (ingatlah) Allah Maha Mengetahui, lagi Maha Bijaksana." [Toha:124].

and Mami tak pernah terfikir untuk takut beranak lagi sebab takut sejarah berulang, tidak sekali-kali. biasalah kita manusia cuma nampak kesempurnaan zahir kan. bagi kami, Fahry sangat sempurna. dan yang paling penting, Fahry menyempurnakan keluarga kita. Mommy & Abiy now are parents of two & Hafiy dah jadi abang.

for us, this is an experience, anugerah Allah yang tak terhingga. tak ramai yang ada pengalaman sebegini kan. everyday i pray semoga Allah panjangkan umur kami & umur anak2 kami supaya kami boleh mengasuh mereka semua sampai dewasa & mereka pun boleh menjaga kami bila kami dah tua2 kelak.

dan semuanya bukan untuk kami, tapi untuk Fahry. Mami cuma mengasuh Fahry sekarang dan dalam tempoh membesar. bila Fahry dewasa, semuanya dalam tangan Fahry sendiri. namun, semuanya adalah kesinambungan asuhan Mami & Abiy. oleh kerana itu kami tidak sekali-kali mahu Fahry merasa sebarang kekurangan dan tidak mahu sesiapa memandang Fahry sebagai 'kurang'. tidak, dan Mami minta, janganlah. Fahry tidak ada kurangnya. Fahry cukup serba serbi.

doa Mami semoga Fahry tidak terdedah pada sebarang complication. cukuplah apa yang Fahry alami sekarang.

hati ibu mana yang tidak meruntun... tapi sebelum Fahry pandai bertanya kenapa dan kenapa, Mami dan Abiy mahu Fahry sendiri tahu jawapannya... kerana kasih Allah pada Fahry, Dia mengambil sebahagian dari diri Fahry terlebih dahulu.. Ya Allah Engkau peliharalah Fahry kami, agar sihat2 selalu dan menjadi insan yang berbakti.

dan buat Hafiy, bukanlah Mami melebihkan Fahry (asik tulis pasal Fahry je..)tapi since dia memerlukan extra care, as Abang, Hafiy pun kena accountable ke atas diri Fahry. Fahry pun dah jadi tanggungjawab Hafiy so bukan gayanya kalau nak jeles2.

Allah panjangkan umur kami & melindungi anak-anak Mami... ameen.

*anak-anak OK. macam tak percaya pulak at 26 i'm a mother of 2. dulu2 igt 27 baru nak kawen :D

Day 6 & Sakit Mata

yesterday, Mommy felt uncomfortable with my eyes. macam ada something like lendir and it made my vision became blur. back home, it became worsen. i suspected kene conjunctivitis.

at hospital, i told the nurses about my eyes. they asked me to go to E&N dept. the next morning, and i have to go home. risau derang takut berjangkit. so that very night, i couldn't ever look at Fahry, even go into the ward cos takut diorang plak terkena. kesian nanti kan...

i just expressed my milk and let the nurses fed Fahry. sedihnya... tak dapat Mami pegang Fahry. hopefully it won't be long lah.

walau cemanapun, i just take it as a blessing in disguise. kebetulan Tok Ma just arrived, so bole la dia masakkan apa2 untuk Mami... yang panas2 kan. food hospital mana ada panas... tapi Mami had no choice la... itu aje yang ada. bukan ada orang nak masak kat rumah. and even if ada pun, bukan Abiy bole selalu datang hantar. kesian Abiy, busy sungguh dia di ofis.

so Mami tak tau what happens to Fahry today... but definitely Fahry is OK la. kalau tak mesti nurse2 dah report kat Mami kan. but then kesian Fahry, tak ada orang belai2 & urut2 Fahry today. Abiy pun datang kejap je jemput Mami, tak sempat pegang Fahry. takpe.. Fahry kan anak Mami yang independent, kan?

Mami balik, then pergi berurut. Nek Maznah cakap Mami sakit mata cos panas2 badan keluar. Aunty N call cakap dia refer pada kawannya pakar mata, Mami kena ni sebab gusi bengkak, which is really true la. ape-apepun Mami kena increase my vitamin E intake lah.

Abang Hafiy pun makin bijak dari sehari ke sehari. kesian dia... & Mami akan guna masa ni untuk layan Abang Hafiy la ye Fahry.

Mami harap Fahry akan terus sihat kat dalam tabung tu. yesterday doktor dah buang drip & fototerapi. so kuranglah wayar2 yang melekat kat badan Fahry. harap2 tak lama lagi Fahry dah bole bernafas without oksigen kat idung tu dah. Fahry pun tak suka dengan tiub tu kan.. asik kena tarik aje. Abiy kata tadi penuh plaster kat muka, agaknya nurse tampal lagi sebab Fahry asik tarik je tiub tu.

syukur alhamdulillah, meskipun susu Mami cukup2 makan tapi so far cukuplah untuk Fahry. ni Mami kat rumah, Abiy la kene selalu pegi hospital hantar EBM sebab Mami dah kene kuarantin. takpela.. demi keselamatan anak Mami juga.

hari ni Fahry maintain minum 24ml per feeding. so Mami akan cube pam sebanyak amaun tu. disebabkan Mami banyak stimulation dengan pam je, so Mami kene pam lama2. paling kejap pun 10minit. biasanya dekat setengah jam lah sampai trigger-kan si hormon prolaktin tu.

so mula hari ni, Mami handover tugas2 mengurut Fahry kepada Abiy :)

merasa la Fahry kehangatan tangan Abiy pulak.

**UPDATE!**

Abiy went to send the EBM & called telling that Fahry dah tak pakai oksigen! alhamdulillah... anak Mami dah tolerate dengan oksigen di udara...

Day 5 & Life in SCN

dah 5 hari kita kat sini...

alhamdulillah, Mami sangat happy dengan progress Fahry. hari ni Fahry dah add minum 24ml. aduh.. susu Mami still tak banyak, struggle nak dapat 24ml tu. pam pakai FS, pastu pakai tangan lagi.. cukup2 makan je. ya Allah murahkan lah rezeki Fahry menyusu Mami...

bangga bila nurse tanya, susu apa? Mami jawab, EBM :) ada babies kat situ minum FM sebab maknye tak banyak susu. ye lah.. struggle dengan pam je kan.

mula2 Mami down jugakla tercampak kat sini... maklumlah daripada pvt hosp kene transfer govt hosp. bukanlah tak bagus, tapi dah ramai sangat orang, bukannya nurse2/doktor2 tu ada masa nak entertain kita macam kat pvt. masa lepas bersalinkan Fahry, diorang campak ke Mami kat maternity ward, takde bagitau apa2 pun. minta air pun tak dapat sebab takde flask.. huhuhu. kekeringan Mami hari tu.

kat SCN ada bilik2 untuk rooming-in mothers. alhamdulillah, mudahlah untuk Mami jaga Fahry. sebenarnya banyak hikmah bila CAMC takde facilities untuk premie... kalau kat CAMC, bilik sorang2, konfem down sorang2. kat sini kami share bilik, share pantry etc. & share cerita anak masing2. rasa macam duk asrama pulak. kat sinilah Mami dapat tengok betapa sihatnya Fahry compared to babies lain. di mata Mami, Fahry sebijik macam Abang Hafiy masa mula2 lahir dulu, cuma zoom out-kan je hehe.

ibu2 kat wad ni datang dari serata utara Sarawak. ada yang dari Limbang, Mulu.. sebab hospital yang ada specialist cuma di MYY, SBU & KUCH je. alhamdulillah, syukurlah kita dah di MiYY kalau tak, mana nak cekau hospital lain pula. ada ibu2 kat sini rumahnya dekat, hari2 bapak baby hantar makanan, sup, etc. ada yang jauh, dah sebulan tak jumpa bapak baby. ada yang datang dari rumah panjang pedalaman, etc. 'rasa' lah hidup di Sarawak hehe. Mami pun cakap bahasa Sarawak sikit2, dah semua orang pun cakap Sarawak. huhu.

tapi expected lah... bila masuk toilet, tak flush, bilik air kotor... takpela. namanya warna warni kehidupan. Mami ok, bole tolerate kalo tak flush, janji poo-poo masuk lubang :D

sekarang Abiy jarang datang, sibuk sangat dengan kerja ofis, tak ada orang back-up. mula2 Mami rasa takut juga bila Abiy tak dapat datang selalu. Mami takut Mami tak kuat... tapi Mami have to kumpul kekuatan... tak boleh bergantung pada Abiy. Mami yang patut kuatkan Abiy. alhamdulillah sekarang Mami bole harunginya. sekali sehari bertemu Abiy & Abang Hafiy dah cukuplah. kadang2 Mami nangis jugak rindukan Abang Hafiy. tapi kena berkorbanlah... balik rumah terkenangkan Fahry, kat SCN terkenangkan Abang Hafiy...

Mami dah taknak nangis2 dah. keadaan dalam pantang & post-natal depression tu kita tolak tepi. Mami takde masa nak layan benda2 macam tu. Mami cuba sedaya upaya menjaga kesihatan supaya tak jatuh sakit, nanti siapa nak jaga Fahry kan.

hari ni Fahry berak banyak, dan banyak kali. alhamdulillah... Fahry dah tak kene duk bawah lampu. dapatlah Mami tengok mata Fahry yang bulat bersinar2 tu. cuma masa first time feeding 24ml Fahry macam spit sikit. tapi takde apa, bukan muntah. Fahry bagus! seronok Mami tengok Fahry kelip2 mata. masya-Allah comelnya anak Mami!

hari ni first time Mami salinkan alas tidur Fahry. wah... sangat berani kan! terkial2 jugak Mami, yela dengan wayar2, tiub2 tu. tapi Fahry pun OK je.. takde rengek2. maknanya Mami terer la kan :)

tangan Mami dah kering2 & menggelupas sebab sabun kat wad tu. everytime nak pegang Fahry, kene sabun tangan dulu. 'kuat' sungguh sabun tu. tangan Mami rasa berduri je.

malam ni Tok Ma sampai dari KL. tapi sian Tok Ma tak dapat tengok Fahry. actually semua orang pun tak dapat tengok Fahry except Mami & Abiy. dan Abang Hafiy dapat tengok masa Fahry mula2 masuk SCN sebab 'tereksiden' :P.

harap2 susu Mami bertambah lah untuk Fahry. Mami kene tinggalkan susu sebab petang Mami keluar pegi berurut, malam baru balik wad. struggle sungguh nak cukupkan untuk 3-4 feeding. makcik urut kata 'urat susu' Mami dah pecah, sebab tu tak bengkak. Mami pun tatau lah. cuma harapan Mami, cepatla susu Mami penuh. bole Mami simpan stok sikit lagi. Fahry pun hari ke hari bertambah 3ml susunya.

terima kasih Mami ucapkan pada semua orang atas doa yg dipanjatkan buat Fahry. ramai jugak aunties Fahry yang 'nak je terbang ke Miri visit korang' tapi apekan daya.... Tok Ayah & Mak Tok pun tak sampai2 lagi. namun walau cemanapon, alhamdulillah, Fahry sihat :) terima kasih atas doa semua!

Kaki Fahry

ini lah kaki kanan Fahry yang detached tu. kat tempat penyambung tu la tulang kering Fahry terdedah. Abiy kata daging pun exposed. itula yang membuatkan kami takut Fahry terkena infection, sebab Fahry ada wound yang besar dan terus ke tulang. sel kaki tu dah mati dan tak boleh sambung balik dah. rupa macam hati ayam je.

Abiy dah semadikannya dengan selamat.

sebab tu Mami kata Fahry bukan baby yang biasa. Fahry bukan aje premature tapi specially designed. kaki dan tangan Fahry tak macam baby biasa. sebab tu Fahry perlukan extra care. Fahry extraordinary! sebab tu masa mula2 tengok Fahry, menitis air mata Mami. bukan sebab Mami terkejut atau tak boleh terima kenyataan, alhamdulillah Mami terima dengan rasa amat bersyukur. Mami cuma rasa 'kasihan anak Mami...'.

tapi Mami percaya setiap yang Allah berikan tu, ada sebab dan hikmah dia.

biarlah orang kata macam2,... memang ramai orang tanya, Mami ada penyakit ke? Mami ada makan ubat ke? Mami ada pegang parang ke? Mami ada potong binatang ke? Abiy ada buat itu ini ke? family ada history ke?... bagi kami ini anugerah dari Allah. bukan sebab apa2. dan juga sesungguhnya bukan sebab breastfeed Abang Hafiy masa pregnantkan Fahry. bukan juga sebab kejadian yang menimpa Arwah Tok Pa. tak.. bukan sebab2 semua tu.

sebabnya.. Allah sayangkan kita. Allah nak beri extra attention pada famili kita. kehadiran Fahry menguatkan lagi bonding family kita. dan juga mengeratkan ukhwah di kalangan kawan2 kami. ramai yang sayangkan kita rupanya... setiap hari Mami terima bertalu2 sms bertanyakan khabar Fahry & Mami dan ruangan comment kat blog ni pun tak sunyi dari pesanan2 yang sungguh memotivasikan, walaupun kami tak mengenali antara satu masa lain. alhamdulillah... terima kasih semua!

Mami juga rasa sangat bahagia kerana Allah pilih Mami untuk jadi ibu Fahry. bertuah sangat. pengalaman yang tak pernah dirasai oleh ibu Mami, ibu mentua Mami, nenek2 dan makcik2 Mami.

semoga Fahry terus kuat semangat sayang... Mami, Abiy, Abang Hafiy & semua sentiasa ada di samping Fahry...

Day 4 & Pengorbanan Hafiy

Mami dah start rawatan post-natal dengan Bidan Nek Maznah selama 7 hari. alhamdulillah.. thanks to Ibu Addin & Nasa yang rekemenkan Nek Maznah. hari2 Mami kena pergi rumah dia mandi limau, berurut, berbengkung, berpilis. overall Mami OK cuma susu je belum lagi bengkak2. mak yang bersalin 2 hari selepas Mami dah bocor2 susu dia. so far (hingga tengahari ni), susu Mami cukup2 je untuk sekali feeding Fahry. semoga Allah murahkan rezeki susu Mami untuk Fahry.. sebab Fahry akan tambah lagi 3ml setiap hari.

petang ni Fahry dah tambah volume menyusu dari 18ml ke 21ml. setiap hari kita akan monitor berapa ml jus perut Fahry yang disedut keluar, dan tengok Fahry ada muntah tak. so far tak banyak jus perut Fahry, kadang2 tak keluar ape pun. Fahry pun takde muntah. a good sign! maknanya Fahry ready untuk tambah lagi volume susu. dan alhamdulillah, so far Fahry minum susu Mami je dan Mami mampu simpan stok bila Mami keluar berurut untuk difeedkan oleh nurse.

Fahry masih jaundice lagi, tapi hari ni Fahry berak banyak dan kencing dah tak kuning. hopefully esok dah boleh la bukak penutup mata dan tak pakai fototerapi lagi dah :)

penatkah Mami? memang penat juga, ye la 3 jam sekali kene susukan Fahry, tengah2 malam kena bangun tapi Mami happy sebab dapat jaga anak Mami sendiri. ramai babies kat SCN tu yang maknya tak ada sama... ada yang asyik nangis je. Fahry pula bila nangis, Mami letak tangan di dahi dan dada... terus senyap. Fahry suka Mami buat camtu... khayal je. kalau Mami lepaskan tangam Fahry terus gelisah :)

sekarang Mami konfiden sikitla nak mandikan, cebokkan, etc. Fahry. Fahry bila berak banyak betul sampai habis kaki kene berak & segala wayar berdekatan pun kena. so far masih hitam lagi berak Fahry. nurse kata biasanya selepas seminggu baru jadi kuning.

Mami curi dengar doktor2 tu cakap pagi tadi, derang kata Fahry ready anytime untuk masuk OT tapi pakar bius tak cakap ape2 lagi. hehe. maknanya Fahry fit, mungkin tunggu berat ideal la, macam kata Aunty Suealeen, tunggu 2.5kg (lamanya!).

tadi nurse timbang, berat Fahry naik 40gram jadi 1.23kg.

Abang Hafiy pula jumpa Mami sekali sehari, lepas Mami habis berurut. masa tu la dia emem habis-habisan. malam2 Abang Hafiy dah tak dapat emem Mami. dia terpaksa korbankan hobinya tu untuk Adik Fahry :) sayang kan Abang Hafiy kat Fahry...

bila Mami balik rumah, mengada sungguh Abang Hafiy. maklumlah berapa jam je dia bole jumpa Mami before Mami balik ke SCN.

tak ape, kita hadapi semua ni sama2 ya sayang. insya-Allah kita akan lebih happy lagi lepas ni, bila Fahry dah sembuh, dah keluar hospital, dah balik rumah, dah sihat, boleh teman Abang Hafiy :)

Day 3

before feeding jam 3 pagi, Mami pam susu untuk Fahry, tiba-tiba Mami rasa sakit pinggang sangat. biasanya kalau rahim mengecut, rasanya sekejap aje, tapi kali ni lain, sakitnya berpanjangan sampai Mami tak boleh duduk. Mami terus stop pam & baring. Mami rasa perut Mami keras. alamak.. dah masuk anginlah ni. mujurlah Mami dah kontek Makcik Maznah, mak bidan untuk tempahan mengurut.

sangat penat sebenarnya Mami hari ni... Mami selalu terlepas timing. kalau feeding jam 3, dekat jam 4 baru Fahry boleh menyusu sebab Mami terbangun lambat. sian anak Mami... harap janganlah kembung pulak.

tapi kali ni senang sikit keja Mami sebab nurse awal2 dah sedut, so Mami cuma bagi susu aje. hari ni Fahry start tambah susu dari 9ml ke 12ml.

lepas feeding jam 6 pagi, Mami mandikan Fahry. actually ia cuma tapping & tailing je. sejuk betul air tu, Mami letak sikit2 je sebab takut Fahry sejuk.. kalau nurse buat, dia buat sampai basah :D mandi kerbau la anak Mami ari ni.

masa nak feeding jam 9 Mami tengok Fahry kene fototerapi lagi. Dr Teh cakap Fahry ada kuning lagi. hari ni Fahry macam asik tido.. je. tapi tido2 pun berapa kali Fahry 'terjun' dari alas tidur. kencing pun banyak. kencing banyak2 ya biar cepat ilang kuning tu. dalam masa 20minit, 3 kali Mami salin kain lampin. Fahry pun berak hari ni.

actually Fahry tak pakai diapers, bolen je. lampin tu lapik bawah badan Fahry je. tapi kalau basah Fahry terus tak selesa. rengek2 mintak tukarkan.

resah jugak sebenarnya Mami sebab Fahry macam penat je hari ni. tangan pun takde gerak2 sangat. nurse pun berapa kali amik suhu badan Fahry sebab diorang takut Fahry demam. tapi alhamdulillah, takde pape. Fahry penat kot.. macam Mami jugak kan, sampai tak terbangun nak susukan Fahry on time.

hari ni Abiy kerja, tapi dia datang jugak masa lunch hour. massage2 badan Fahry.

ada sekali dressing kat kaki Fahry terbuka. nurse kata, dia takmau lekatkan plaster di kaki Fahry sebab kulit Fahry dah merah2. tapi kalau tak lekat plaster, dressing asik tercabut je. risau Mami tengok tulang kering Fahry yang expose tu... takut kene infection. ye lah.. baby premie yang normal pun prone to infection, ini pulak Fahry dalam keadaan yang macam tu. Ya Allah, lindungilah Fahry dari sebarang risiko...

ramai yang tak tau keadaan Fahry.. termasuklah ibu2 kat SCN tu. bila Mami tengah layan Fahry, mereka datang tanya, "kenapa kaki baby berbalut?". Mami jawablah keadaan Fahry yang sebenar. Fahry tak macam baby lain kat situ.. Fahry special. Fahry ada something yang orang lain tak ada. awal2 Allah dah ambil kaki Fahry & sebahagian jari2 Fahry, sebab Dia sayang pada Fahry. Dia mau nanti beri balik bila Fahry masuk syurga. so, Fahry kena la jadi anak & hamba yang soleh tau supaya bole masuk syurga kelak.

Paed & Pakar Tulang sangat positif untuk operate kaki Fahry tapi kene tunggu greenlight dari pakar bius dulu. Dr Teh kata biasanya pakar bius taknak buat kat baby premie, kene tunggu besar sikit dulu. Fahry cepatlah besar... nanti kita boleh operate kaki Fahry tu.. cepat besar ya sayang...

Mami telan segala benda untuk 'besarkan' dan boostkan imuniti Fahry. semoga Allah melindungimu nak... kami semua tunggu Fahry balik rumah. Abang Hafiy pun tak sabar nak main dengan Fahry.

sekarang Mami & Abiy jadi single parents untuk each of our son. Mami di SCN dengan Fahry, Abiy di rumah dengan Abang Hafiy. cepat-cepat besar dengan sihat ya Fahry... nanti kita boleh duduk rumah ramai2 :)

bila duduk dengan Fahry, Mami kadang nyanyikan lagu feveret Abang Hafiy (oh, juga feveret Abang Danish Aunty Min)... A ur adorable, B ur so beautiful, C you're cutie full of charm, D ur a darling, E ur exciting, F u r feather in my arms, G u look good to me, H u r so heavenly, I ur the one i idolize, J we're like Jack&Jill, K u r kissable, L is the lovelite in ur eyes, M,N,O,P, i could go on all day, Q, R, S, T, alphabetically speaking, u r OK, U make my life complete, V means u r very sweet, W, X, Y, Z.. it's fun to wander thru the alphabet with u, to tell u what u mean to me.. I L O V E Y O U im so in love with you!

Mommy's Diary : Caring A Premature Baby - Day 2

Fahry during feeding time. he suppose to use oxygen tube tapi dia cabut.

Mami tak pasti hari kita patut start jam 12 tengah malam atau selepas Subuh. setiap 3 jam di hospital ni Mami bangun, pam, dan susukan Fahry. biasanya 30mi/nit atau 40minit sebelum jam2 menyusu Mami bangun untuk pam.

alhamdulillah, motivasi dari Abiy, famili & kawan2 especially Aunty N, Aunty Mun & Aunt Mirah (all of them have premie babies), memberi Mami kekuatan untuk menghadapi semua ni sorang diri (cos Abiy tak bole stay). Fahry memang budak yang baik dan manja, selalu mau dibelai Mami... :)

pagi2 selepas feeding jam 6, dalam jam 7, nurse datang bilik kejutkan Mami. sebenarnya, setiap kali nama Mami dipanggil, dada Mami berdebar2. Mami takut ada perkhabaran tentang Fahry.. rupanya dia suruh Mami 'mandikan' dan tukar alas tidur Fahry...

nurse tu tunjuk saja caranya. esok dia suruh Mami buat sendiri. aduh.. sungguh Mami tak konfiden sangat. Fahry sangat kecik... Mami pegang tangan, kepala dan badan Fahry pun Mami rasa cuak, takut menyakitkan kulit Fahry yang halus tu.. tapi sebenarnya Fahry suka kalau Mami yang tukarkan lampin, basuhkan berak kencing, alihkan badan Fahry...

hari ni jaundis Fahry dah kurang & nurse alihkan fototerapi tu dari inkubator. so mata Fahry dah boleh bukak. comel sangat! sebijik muka Abang Hafiy.

tapi tangan Fahry tak boleh diam... mula2 Mami tengok plaster yang lekatkan tiub oksigen ke hidung Fahry ada di tilam dan tangan. Mami ingatkan nurse yang balut tangan Fahry. lepas Mami check, rupanya itu plaster yang patut lekatkan tiub tu. Mami pasangkan semula, lepas tu Mami balik ke bilik pam susu.

bila Abiy datang, Mami suruh Abiy tengok apa Fahry buat dengan tiub tu. Abiy kata, tak ada pun tiub tu. Mami ingat nurse dah buangkan. so OK la. rupa-rupanya bila Mami datang nak beri susu, tiub tu ada di bawah kepala... plaster semuanya dah ke mana-mana, ada yang kat tangan Fahry, Fahry buang rupanya!

Mami bagitau nurse, nurse kata tak apa nanti dia pasangkan semula. tiba2 mesin yang detect oksigen Fahry berbunyi, kurang oksigen! 74% saja! kalut2 2-3 orang nurse datang. Mami bagitau derang, Fahry yang buka tiub tu. nurse2 tu pasangkan balik sambil gelak2 & cakap "dia dah tak mau pakai oksigen la ni, dah rasa kuat la ni..". Fahry... Fahry...

pagi-pagi buta tadi pun, masa Mami nak sedut jus gastrik Fahry, tiba2 Mami rasa tak ada apa2 keluar. pelik pulak.. rupa2nya feeding tube dah tercabut Fahry tarik. nanti Mami nak suruh nurse ikatlah tangan Fahry. tu nasib baik drip diberi ikut pusat, jauh sikit nak ditarik. kalau di tangan Mami rasa dah lama tercabut...

alhamdulillah, semua ibu di wad pun kagum dengan Fahry yang aktif. Mami sangat bangga dengan anak2 Mami. Abang Hafiy pun sangat behave. kat rumah, tak ada menangis2 macam selalu. dan masa lapang dia selalu ambil buku mintak Abiy bacakan. Mami dah pesan kat Bibik supaya layan Hafiy baca buku, jangan asyik tengok TV saja.

Mami balik rumah sekejap lepas feeding yang pukul 12. sebenarnya Mami nak bf Abang Hafiy sambil stimulatekan lagi susu untuk Fahry. alhamdulillah, sampai tertidur Hafiy emem... Mami tinggalkan 4 botol susu untuk Fahry, in case Mami lambat sampai. tak banyak pun sebab hari ni Fahry start minum 6ml per hour. sekali pam, Mami tak dapat lagi 1oz tapi cukupla untuk sekali feeding. alhamdulillah.

esok Mami cuba mandikan Fahry pula ya....

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha sayang!

Mommy's Diary : Caring A Premature Baby - Day 1

Mommy reached NICU MYY GH at 9++ am. Macam biasa, the Paed gave us briefing about Fahry's condition. Mulanya memang Mommy down sebab dia kata Fahry ada high risk utk dpt jangkita thru tulang kaki yang terdedah tu. Diorang cuma buat dressing saja sementara tunggu Fahry cukup besar untuk di-operate. Doa kami semoga Fahry terlepas dari risiko yang boleh menggugatnya, ameen.

Mami diberi bilik share dengan sorang ibu dari Limbang. Rupanya anak dia juga ada masalah, jantung berlubang. Dan sebulan lebih berat badan tak naik2.

Lepas salin baju, Mami terus pam susu untuk Fahry. Fahry duk dalam inkubator, tak dapat direct feeding, kene pakai tiub terus ke dalam perut. Hari mula2 ni Fahry cuma minum 3ml susu.

Mula2 Mami akan sedut keluar lebihan susu & jus gastrik dlm perut Fahry via feeding tube tu dgn syringe. Hasil keluaran direkod, kemudian Mami guna syringe lain untuk alirkan susu ke perut Fahry. Mami cuak2 berani nak buat, mula2 kena panggil nurse teman sebab Mami tak konfiden.

Nurse suruh Mami bersihkan Fahry, tuka lampin.. tp Mami tak konfiden. Nurse jugak yg kena buat. Mami takut menyakitkan Fahry, tapi nurse buat selambabadak je. Fahry pulak nangis2 everytime nurse tukarkan lampin. Syahdu hati Mami.. Suara Fahry kuat sampai bole dengar dari pintu masuk. Nyaring je tak padan kecik.

Malam tu Mami cuba salinkan Fahry dgn support Abiy. Alhamdulillah Fahry tak nangis. Nak sentuhan tangan Mami ya?

Fahry selalu nangis2 tapi bila Mami belai, gosok2, cakap2.. baru diam. Kadang2 sampai tertidur. Sayang anak Mami ni.. Cepat besar ye sayang..

Nurse2 kata Fahry aktif sangat. Kadang2 sampai terjatuh dari alas tidur lah, teperosok di celah inkubator lah.. tiub2, wayar2 kat badan dah berapa kali Fahry cabut. Fahry.. Fahry.. baru 2 hari umur kamu ni.

Fahry kuat semangat ya.. Minum banyak2 susu Mami. sebab Fahry minum 3 jam sekali, Mami akan pam setiap 3 jam & terus beri pada Fahry. Setiap pukul 6, 9, 12, 3.. day or nite Mami kena bangun pam dan beri pada Fahry. Time ni Mami rasa nak cakap pada mak2 yang rasa dia takde susu lepas bersalin tu.. Cuba lahirkan anak premature.. Dia tak dapat direct feeding.. Kena exclusive expresing je, stimulation dari pam je. Dari hari pertama dah kena susukan, kalau tak ada susu, ape nak bagi dia makan? Kat hosp ni, nurse cakap "kalau u tak hantar susu, baby you tak makan ape2 lah". Macamana?

Alhamdulillah susu Mami makin OK. Dari peristiwa direject 2 kali tu, sekarang melebih2 dah. Fahry pun seronok menyusu walaupun tak merasa dgn lidah. Mulutnya gerak2 macam menyonyot masa susu flow masuk.

Hari pertama, hari yg penuh emosi..

A Story Behind This Special Boy

Fahry is very special, not because he is premature. it's not merely that. Fahry has something that not everybaby has. Even in this very ward, he's the only boy with such that gift.

Today his paed told us, that Fahry has high risk of infection, but they will do their best to avoid it. But it was enough to make Mommy cried for the whole day. Only after i received a call from Sis N, telling me to be strong since Fahry is 100% depend on Mommy. I had no objection then, cos it's really true. I carried him for 7 months, and our soul will stay intact forever.

Ya Allah please give us strength to go through this. May Fahry safe from any harm that could effect his little body.

However, this boy knows how to entertain Abiy & Mommy. He is a very active boy, I guess he just stop when he's sleeping. his tiny hands always look for something to be pulled! Berapa kali wayar kat tangan tercabut. And the nurses said "baby u aktif sangat, sampai terjatuh-jatuh dari tempat tidur dia". Mommy rasa satu inkubator tu dia dah explore.

Today he developed mild jaundice & the paed put him under phototheraphy. Mommy kena selalu perhati or else Fahry will tarik2 kapas yang tutup mata tu.

Actually Mommy sebak everytime tengok, sentuh, belai Fahry.. Bibirnya kering, kaki kiri macam melecet sikit.. But Mommy dunno what to do.. (could be this a post-partum? Masa Hafiy pun Mommy menangis2 juga).

This time I have to be strong. No pantang2 cos have to stay in the hospital and later ulang alik rumah-hospital. No mother to look after me. No nenek to find tukang urut, etc. Now everything is on Mommy & Abiy alone.

May Allah gives us strength... Di kejauhan ini.

It's A Boy! ...Our Miracle Boy...

alhamdulillah, Mommy has safely delivered a healthy premature baby boy at 28week pregnancy, weigh 1.2kg at Hospital Miri, Sarawak, 5th December 2008, @6.55pm.

Fahry, welcome to our world! my special miracle super child!

Fahry now in the incubator at Wad 12, Hospital Miri. stay healthy and active. Mommy, Abiy & Abang Hafiy so proud with you dear! Fahry is a very strong boy, self-breathing and has very strong voice despite his little body.

Mommy will accompany him in that ward starting tomorrow, to give him my full richness of breast milk.

**THE BIRTH**

the story started last 2 weeks Sunday 23rd November, when i felt pain on my abdomen. i was admitted for UTI and got sick leave for a week. and the following week, the pain was still there, to be exact, it was contraction. and it was getting worse day by day, so on Wednesday 3rd December i was admitted again due to light bleeding.

Dr Aida tried to stop the contraction. macam2 Mami kena.. cucuk, telan, drip, etc. sakit contraction, sakit kene cucuk... but definitely i'll do anything for my boy.

Dr Aida gave us hint about premature birth, and she gave me Dexa jabs to make the baby's lung became mature. after a day in the ward, i felt the contraction slowly gone and Dr Aida also was very positive to see Adik could stay longer.

but on 5th, the blood came out a lot and the pain also became intense. Dr Aida checked and i was 3cm dilated. immediately i was transferred from Colombia Asia to Miri Hospital, for CAMC has no facility for premie.

and it was very fast. even the doctor and nurses keep on telling that i am not going to give birth unless in the middle of the night! but only after 1 hour reaching the hospital, Adik decided to came out. and it was very smooth. he did it all by himself. Mommy just had to 'open the door' for him, hehe.

alhamdulillah. there's Fahry, our miracle baby...

**BREASTFEEDING FAHRY ON THE FIRST DAY**

Fahry is in the incubator so he can't be directly breastfed. on Saturday morning only i managed to collect about 3 cc colostrum for him (it's only for 1 feeding). i tried to collect more but the i failed with Sis Laila's Avent pump, so i tried using my hands but still couldn't collect more than 1 cc. my breastmilk was rejected, 2 TIMES! sungguh sedih. i begged so that they accepted but it was actually too little, only macam kesan-kesan di dinding bekas.

back home, i took rest and pray so that my milk will develop sooner, or else Fahry won't get any food :( (he'll only be supplemented with some kind of 'water'). i asked Hafiy to suck, in order to stimulate my milk for Fahry. Hafiy rejected at first, he shook his head! but Mommy said "Hafiy please.. tolong Adik ya... kesian Adik kalau Hafiy taknak nanti siapa nak stimulatekan susu Mommy untuk Adik..." alhamdulillah finally Hafiy agreed... and it caused Mommy mengerang2 sakit pengecutan rahim akibat tidak dibekali painkiller!

it's OK. for my boys, i rather bear any pain...

please pray for our Lil' Fahry... so that he could come home sooner and join the family!

he's a very special boy... a very special gift for us... thank you Allah.

[Mommy's gonna stay with Fahry in the hospital, until the paed decides when i should come home.. till then, Mommy might not able to update on Fahry's progress, but i'll write it somewhere and put everything here later]

Let's Pray

for Mommy... to have fast recovery..

for Adik... to hold on & be strong..

for Hafiy... to be more independent & good bro..

for Abiy... to be more patient & cool..

Ameen...

Sick Leave & Tag Compilation

this is my second week of sick leave. my gynae asked whether i wanted to stay in the hospital or at home. i choose home. huhuh. even if i have to endure the strong contraction every night and day. yes, it's contraction that everywoman will experience prior and during childbirth. i was 27 week then, examined to have UTI (urinary tract infection). i had it during Hafiy time, but after taking the medicine, it was OK but this time, seemed like nothing change, and it'd getting worse.

since weekend, everynight, EVERYNIGHT i'll have that i-am-going-to-give-birth like contraction! it just reminiscing laying down on the labour room bed to give birth to Hafiy, last year. but this time i am on my own bed, with Hafiy by my side, and both of us 'scream'. Hafiy is screaming for emem & lullaly and i am screaming to bear the pain. i told you it's not a mild contraction... it's enough to make me menggelupur.

since i am quite 'free' this morning, let's pay the tags debt :P

1. from Kak N

(1) What were you doing 5 years ago?
as a practical trainee at a gas plant in Kerteh.

(2) What were the 5 things on your to do list today?
1- sleep (i can't sleep at night due to the unbearable pain..).
2- fetch Abiy at his office and to have lunch together.
3- sweep the floor.
4- do the dishes and all the things i couldn't do last nite (due to the unbearable pain, i even couldn't sit for dinner).
5- 'try' to call or see my gynae.

(3) What are 5 snacks that you enjoy?
1- popiah simpul kecik.
2- mister potato.
3- any sandwich biscuit.
4- dried fruits.
5- waffle cake.

(4) What are 5 things that you do if you were a billionaire?
1- buy a bungalow at Damansara Country Heights. hahahaha.
2- buy Google Inc.
3- buy Dell Inc.
4- buy YTL Corp.
5- buy other generating income companies those can make me become super billionaire. kah kah kah.

(5) What are 5 jobs you've had? and still doing ?
1- pekebun sayur.
2- driver.
3- engineer.
4- documentation executive.
5- ?????

2. From Dee Hidayah

1 minit yang lalu, apa anda buat?
- minum air barli.

1 hari yang lalu, apa anda buat?
- tido.

1 hari lagi, apa anda akan buat?
- sambung tido lagi.

1 orang yang terakhir menelefon kamu?
- Kak Laily from office, asked about my subordinates' claims.

1 makanan yang baru dibeli?
- biskut.

1 barang yang baru hilang?
- my desktop. tak hilang physically tapi dia dah meninggalkan dunia ini dengan selamat.

1 cerita yang baru ditonton?
- i am not single (baik i buat cerita sendiri).

1 hal yang terakhir digosipkan?
- tentang rakan2 KGB dengan Cheq.

1 kata yang ingin diluahkan?
- "Adik sabarlaa jangan la kuar sekarang & kat sini. jom kita kuar kat Prince Court ek"

1 buku yang sudah dibaca?
- Cashflow Quadrant.

1 penyakit yang sering datang?
- argh!

1 keinginan?
- nak duk umah sendiri dengan family yang bahagia ini...

3. From Sal

Bekas kekasih saya...sekarang sedang menduda sejak beliau bercerai dengan Erra Fazira.

Saya sedang mendengar... bunyi message masuk di handphone.

Mungkin saya patut...tido saja sekarang.

Saya suka belajar... dengan Abiy. Abiy cikgu yang bagus walaupun anak muridnya tak berapa bagus.

Sahabat baik saya...buku. hahaha. tipu saja.

Saya tak faham.....term-term dalam matapelajaran Fizik. sekarang pon kene belek buku balik.

Saya kehilangan...arah.

Ramai yang berkata..."bestnya minyak dah turun!" tanpa mengetahui impak yang besar di sebaliknya terhadap negara.

Makna nama saya...ialah seseorang yang memberi hutang dan mengenakan interest yang tinggi serta bole membunuh kamu juga, iaitu ALONG :D

Cinta itu....hanya difahami oleh orang-orang yang bercinta je.

Di suatu tempat bernama...Kota Bharulah saya dilahirkan.

Saya akan cuba... bekerja dengan tekun dan bersungguh-sungguh demi negara!

Makna "selamanya".... forever.

Handphone saya...adalah hadiah dari Abiy.

Saya paling meluat....dengan orang tu.

Bila saya bangun dari tidur....Hafiy dah bangun.

Party adalah... sesuatu yang konfem ada makanan.

Haiwan yang paling cute adalah...monyet kecik sebesar ibu jari.

Peringkat umur yang paling menyeronokkan adalah...belasan tahun sebab rasa dah besar tapi takde tanggungjawab hehehe.

Hari ini saya rasa sangat tension...sebab saya nak tidur.

Malam ini saya akan cuba... untuk tidak ememkan Hafiy sebelum tidur.

Saya betul2 inginkan... Adik lahir dengan sihat, cukup sifat & saya bole direct feeding dia immediately.

Bila tengok muka kat cermin pagi tadi...saya masih cantik seperti biasa.

Shopping kompleks...yang paling saya suka kat Miri ialah Bintang Mall.

Makanan segera biasanya...jadi makanan ruji kami kat Airport.

Ayat2 terakhir pada orang... OK bye, assalamualaikum!

ok! mari kita pegi bedrest, Dik.